Living the QUESTIONS

One of the most important things that shape us in life is the questions we ask ourselves continually. The ones we ask ourselves just about every day and the ones we ask specially when things turn out in ways not wanted or not anticipated by us – starting from simple upsets to grave, life-shattering adversities. It is interesting to observe what kind of questions we ask ourselves during these hard times and how we handle those questions. In fact, whether we emerge out of the adversity bitter-n- battered OR better hinges a lot on this aspect.

Yes, the answers do matter; but I think, the questions are as much important or even more crucial most of the time. If questions are wrong ab initio, none of the answers will help us make the right choices. Especially, the long list of whys that we ask when confronted with adversity that we consider as unjust and/or that jolts our self-esteem. Our professional lives usually make us confront such situations – and it happens to all sometime, at some level or other. It is naïve to think that a few fortunate ones have always had a cake walk. The issue at hand is not whether it happens to all or not; but how you personally take these calls – especially how do you handle when you are pushed out of your threshold limits for bearing what according to yourself is unfair treatment/injustice/ indignity.

The matter becomes worse and energy-sucking,when we do not find the answers – the true and cogent answers, I mean, to all our questions and that leaves us guessing.

And guesswork is nothing but creations and projections of our own perceptions and beliefs! Back to square one – we had started with ourselves ( why me? Why this to me? Do I deserve this ? etc.) and we end up with ourselves again with presumptions - not answers- framed through our own filters – coloured with our own perceptions and interpretations.

In such a scenario, what we ourselves believe shape our truth, like the pigmyllion effect. If we believe, we have been victimised, it becomes our truth: if we believe, there is a pointer inside for something beyond what meets our eyes… well, that is going to be the truth for us! That’s why, it becomes important not to chase the answers mindlessly with desperation – at least to the core questions that seek to explain acts of others or providencial justice.

So, during those times when we ask questions… ponder a lot… try to rationalise… try to emotionalise… try to fantasize….try doing everything to get an answer to our “why”; but the answer… the true answer… simply eludes us,  understand that this is the time to just live the question !!

Let us also understand that we can ask questions that make us feel more like a victim - questions that reinforce negativity and pessimism in our life. Or we can ask empowering questions; questions that open up the hitherto dormant and unexplored wells of positivity and opportunity in our world. Questions that enlighten us further … help us re-invent ourselves..  

Do not just keep on whining if you do not get answers to all your questions on action/behaviour of others – Instead ask yourself probing questions that draw out your own core beliefs, clarify your own core values.  Because the moment we start asking questions about what other person(s) did to us, we start dragging ourselves into a victim mould and become uncomfortable in our own skin! That amounts to virtually passing on control of our life to someone else. The moment you get an inkling of such feeling, do come back to yourself and regain control of your own life. 

At life’s critical bends, you just have to stop worrying, wondering and doubting. Have faith that things will work out eventually – may be not how you planned, but just how they are meant to be. It is said, in the end, everything is good; if it isn’t good, it is not yet the end!

Remember, smooth roads never make good drivers. A problem-free life never makes a strong person; so never ask life "Why Me", instead challenge it and say "Try Me".

And by the way, is anyone perfect in this world ?  I’m not, neither are you. It is a truism, which we somehow close our eyes to, in our crazy pursuit of being right always, at times chasing even worthless goals! Accept yourself fully—with your achievements, strengths, weaknesses, failures, flaws, follies and all. Once you do that with yourself, you will be surprised to find how easy it suddenly becomes to accept others in your life too … with all their flaws ( real as well as perceived by you)!  And once that happens, you will find yourself liberated, at least from the questions like ‘why he/she did this to me?’ . After all, ain’t others as human as you and might just have erred in judgement/decision? It is at this point that you realise the irrelevance of the answers to your victim-mode questions – you have truly lived your questions and with that, the questions expire in time. And strangely enough, answers to some of your core questions would still be revealed to you as you move on, in ways not anticipated by you. 

You don’t have to be perfect to realize your dreams, but you do need to be committed to personal evolution. You can only begin that journey when you accept yourself completely for who you are and believe in grace of God and worth of yourself.

Believe with all your heart and soul in the saying that the ultimate reward of your sincerity and perseverance is not what you get for it, but what you become because of it!! And perhaps this one belief contains the one and only answer that matters ultimately!  And sure enough, this one belief would see you through all your questions.

Above all, know that The Universe has heard your question and it will be handled!!

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Three essential questions that leaders at workplace must ask themselves

Even without an official title, and irrespective of your position in the organisational hierarchy , you can be a ‘leader’ in your own right through your action and attitude. True. But the story is vastly different  when you are a “leader” by title, i.e when you are ‘assigned’ a leadership position by your organization, and are expected to lead a group of people assigned to you to a certain goal. In this case, you are officially responsible for the outcome, not only of your own productivity, but more significantly for the outcome of your people’s productive behavior as well. You have to effectively convert a bunch of people to an effective and successful team, that owns a shared goal and achieves it together, following you as the leader.

Today’s workplace scenario – especially with knowledge workers and service sectors - clearly calls for a set of leadership skills,  that is more people-centric and less authority–centric. Positional authority no longer guarantees that you will be accepted as the leader by your people merely by virtue of your designation and will be able to ensure the deliverables through them by using command and control strategies. In fact, as gleaned from history, this had never really worked and people who delivered great sustainable results were inspiring leaders with some other key human traits that do not flow from one’s designation – a fact which is now being acknowledged more openly, as compared to in the past. With concepts like “Emotional Intelligence”, “People skills”, ‘social skills’ etc. gaining ground and almost becoming much-hackneyed terms, there is no need to elaborate on why positional authority alone cannot guarantee successful teams.

So, the next point is: how do you know whether you are the kind of leader that the modern workplace needs?  A leader today has to steer their people through ambiguities, uncertainties and challenges and make them want to give their best. Goes without saying, when people want to give their best,  that is evidence enough that they own the project and also that they are on auto-pilot to ensure the best results.

Ask yourself 3  key questions !

And honestly answer to those. You will be pretty clear on whether you already are a leader capable of leading your people to success, or whether you are currently lacking and where exactly you need to work on yourself.

Question 1 :   Do your people trust you?

Question 2 : Do you treat your team members as human beings, and not just as employees?

Question 3: Do you take active interest in the growth of your people?

Remember, you are being watched constantly by your co-workers/team mates/employees, even if you are not always told about it on your face.

Co-workers would trust you only when they see fairness and consistency in your action and intent through various situations. In addition, if they accept that you would always, and without hesitation, stand up for them whenever the situation warrants, they will trust you completely, and will be inspired by your integrity and credibility. Only this kind of complete trust in the leader brings out the best in each employee – courage to innovate, take risks and stretch out-of-box to reach the best results.   

Leaders, I mean true leaders, demonstrate a very high degree of credibility and that makes it easy for them to carry their people along without the need to “drag them along’ where they need 100% of their team to be on the new destination! So, be trust-worthy!!

No employee is your employee only-they are also human beings having highs and lows in their important personal spheres, at times may be just around the same time that the ‘employee’ in them is called to contribute. Do you, as the leader, see the worry on their face when they are going through a personal crisis; or just miss out on it , lost in tasking  your employees to meet  your official deadlines?

Showing empathy, sharing the personal joys and concerns of your employees, till recently, was not seen with favour in the context of tough, decisive leadership! But go through history and look around. You will be amazed to see just how many of the super- achiever leaders actually displayed this one quality, that made all the difference!! No wonder, with time and greater research into leadership, the concept of “ Emotional Intelligence” has come up since quite sometime now and this quality – i.e empathy for your people- has now been acknowledged as a key leadership quality- ranking on the top slot of the skills set!

Yes, when people know that their superior cares for them as human beings, they too reciprocate in terms of higher engagement and productivity in the job. So, the golden rule is: respect your employees as human beings first; most of the rest will fall in line.

The third crucial area that you, as the leader, have to take responsibility for is: growth of your people! It is easier to make people do things when you can make them see what is in it that is for them, not for you! In a workplace situation, no employee can stay engaged and charged without growth –  in terms of growth in personal knowledge-skill-competence matrix, career progression, and both in combination. A superior  who keeps this in sight in respect of each of the team mates usually demonstrates genuine interest in the growth of all the employees, without favour or unjust discrimination, through a holistic approach of training-assigning responsibilities-mentoring-sponsoring for higher jobs. Such a superior not only properly assesses each employee to harness their potential, but also invests in growth of each, and makes it visible to the team asto what growth prospects are there for each of them when the shared goal is achieved! Undoubtedly,  such a superior would automatically inspire employees to give their best to whatever organizational goals they are pursuing, not only because they themselves stand to gain from it, but also for the fact that, their own superior becomes the face of the organization for them and they would walk any length of extra miles for such a leader!!

The above three are perhaps the most important human traits that tell a leader, whom people would gladly follow, from the rest.

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