Sunday, July 20, 2008

My Scrap Book - Letter to my Father



Bapa, I have put in my papers .

My name was not there in the Zone of Selection for the next promotion – that is just the immediate facilitating factor – the real story is that it is just the right time to call it a quit and start following my passion for so many other things in life !!

So many times I had been telling .. I would leave the job , chill out , do this , do that etc.. But everytime u would smile and say , “ No , you can not leave job . Your karmadhipati ( i.e.the lord of the Karma house in horoscope ) resides in your lagna , i.e. self . So u would always work . ”

Well , you are right , Bapa . But work does not necessarily mean a full time fixed job with one organisation . I am simply quitting my present job – just to switch course and pursue my other interests in life . You had sketchy idea of what they are , but now I have spelt those out for myself in clear terms – so no confusions!

Of course , when u used to say that I can never leave job , there was something else too that u never expressed in words , but I always understood ! You were always very proud of me ( strange – all your five children were good students , all others took up better jobs than me professionally – but u always took a lot of pride in being known as my father – since the time I was a child !!) Perhaps, you could never reconcile to the idea that I would be without any normally-accepted identity tag ( Oh, she is a blah blah with so and so company … ) . And I know, u had unshaken belief in my competence and were damn sure , I would make it to very high in the corporate ladder . I could see those twinkles in your eyes, when u used to relate about somebody known/unknown telling something about me ( obviously good things)! But promise u , even after leaving my current job, U would be as proud of me – up there – as u were earlier .

I had to take this decision now - TIME TO SPREAD WINGS, before I grow old & tired !! Time has changed and there is a world of opportunities to do newer things, follow your passion and give back something to the society .

Let me assure u , it is not a decision taken in haste or on the spur of the moment . Yes ! I had been seriously considering this ever since I completed 25 years of service in December, 07 . All said and done , quitting a secured job, for that matter even a career transition is a difficult decision and before actually executing this, I have to necessarily plan out on certain basic requirements :

First – financial security . Well , although being a married lady, I am in any case going to have that from my husband , there is something else which is personally vital for me - financial independence ! That must continue and children should never ever get to feel that they might have to suffer financially if mama’s regular income stops coming. So , now that I am eligible for pension , I have calculated, together with interest on the lump sum I am going to get even after repaying all loans, a fairly comfortable sum will be drawn by me even without the job . Of course, some one in my place – with keen sense of enterprise can also start earning by suitable investment of a part of the terminal benefits in mutual funds or stock market or otherwise. I am not interested – as of now .

Well , sum and substance - even if I leave the job now, I will have some regular monthly income, plus I get the lump sum from terminal benefits , which will be adequate cushion for my daughters’ studies ( plus I may take away a very small bit of it for philanthropy .)

Second - a house of my own . Yes , this is also a basic requirement for me , as after leaving the job , if I have to move around with my husband only , then how do I follow my dreams ? Need a permanent place to stay . AND I HAVE IT NOW . Last month only, we have moved into our own flat at Bhubaneswar . This will be literally OWN – as with my terminal benefits , the housing loan will be liquidated .

Third - clear goals and plan of action to be pursued after quitting . Yes , I had spelt them out quite sometime back – on my blog post , to put pressure on myself . Once made public , I can not go back on my commitments to myself . So , I will start doing those things. One more addition to my plans - I will try taking up a Public Toilet Chain Project at Puri Badadanda/ Seashore & roadsides on the way to Puri. A place like Puri, where footfall is unimaginably high with lakhs of floating population , it is miserable not to have the basic amenity of public toilets !- sic ! Something must be done .

Fourth - own state of being - Yes , I am going to be 49 . A few years more – I may lose the zest to do new things , who knows !! Right now, I find myself still bubbling with vitality and enthusiasm for new courses . Let me tap it !! Life would be much more meaningful and fulfilling !

Fifth - a facilitating factor / event . I just got it – not being in ZOS . Well, being positive does not mean taking injustice lying down all the time – this is going to be my way of protest – in a positive manner . Had there been 360 degree feedback system in our organisation , the decision makers would be surprised to know what exactly people who have seen me in various challenging roles from close quarters tell about me . Any guesses ? Kiran Bedi , Ha, Ha !

Last but not the least , when after taking a critical decision , you feel good and spirited - it IS the correct decision, invariably . And same with me this time . Plus, guess what , for the last about a week , there have been so many good heavenly signs – I was first stunned when I did not find my name in the ZOS and thought how it is possible that on one hand I can feel God’s blessings , but at the same time , I am being denied justice in my professional life ! Now , after taking the decision to quit for making a new beginning to listen to my heart’s beckoning , I know exactly – that is what even the Almighty wants!!

Bapa, I am happy about it . Just need your blessings ! It will be a life without certainties – but then , as it is said ……. The pleasures are along the journey , not at the destination !!! I know u are always with me and will bless me from above from your Heavenly Abode .