Different Strokes

Hi Friends

2011-06-07T14:51:00.002+05:30

Hi friends,

Finally, I have launched my own website . I will be blogging from there henceforth. Right now, I am trying to carry over some blogposts from this blog - the ones with all time relevance.

I have deliberately chosen a very simple design and thank my daughter for understanding my needs and giving me a design accordingly.

Pl visit and share your comments and suggestions.

Hi, Alisha ! You are more than a Winner

2009-06-02T18:15:00.004+05:30

Hi, Alisha ! You are more than a winner !!

Just to tell you, you ARE more than a winner ! So what, the “ sunhari takdir ki topi” - the winning title in the Dance India Dance competition, went to Salman and you missed it by a whisker – and won the 2^nd position ?? I could not miss whatever there was in your eyes when the results were declared – hence this post.

Believe it – you were simply phenomenal and what is important is the fact that you have transcended your natural boundaries.

Salman is also a fabulous dancer and so are a few other boys like Jay, Mayuresh, Prince and a few other girls like Khushboo & Bhavna Purohit etc. But when it comes to the boys, who performed superbly – my take is: it is more like operating within their natural boundaries. The physicalities, that Nature has endowed the men with, actually aid and support the dancing ventures – call it stunts or power-exuding postures – that these boys executed. Well, that is not to take away from them the credit for their powerpacked performance with remarkable grace and grit, for which they deserve all kudos. I am saying this just to make a point, just to make all pause for a moment and think about what is actually happening to the hugely talented participants from the fairer gender.

Think of the girls ! Nature has designed their body and physicalities differently for other purposes and naturally, it does not support taking excessive physical strain as a male body can. Nevertheless, these girl participants did what not (!) to match up – in physical stamina - especially Alisha ! On top of that, a woman’s body also sets many other limitations, in every sense of the term. A woman’s woes !! Does anyone ever spare even a nanosecond to visualise how the girl participants might be coping with the practice and dance schedules – nonstop – for 18 weeks ( for long periods ) !!

Add to that, the types and magnitude of psycho-social barriers a girl has to break to set her free to do what she wants to do – pursue her passion and showcase her talent in full glare of public view.

And yet, these girls demonstrate the courage to compete with the boys on equal footing ! And match up !! Well, matching up has nothing to do with whether you finally win the particular competition or not – which depends upon public voting as per the format of the show – and there again, who does not know the biases, the basis of votings ? Talent is not its sole determinant, as even the worst critic of women would admit. Matching up is when you leave the stage amidst the wild applause of the gallery and tears in the eyes of the mentors ( the judges - experts who are legitimately capable to judge your talent), fully satisfied within yourself that you have done a 101% job and were no less than the ones who get to continue in the competition !!

This dance competition is only a small example of what a woman actually goes through to get her fair share in all walks of life.

But despite all barriers, hurts and biases over the ages, there have been many sung and unsung women, who transcend all their boundaries and match up to men in all walks of life. At the most, the world says ‘ Wow ! a woman has done as good as a man’ – but very few realise or give the credit to her for the fact that in so achieving, it has taken her at least twice as much as the man !!

Reminds me of what Vince Lombardi once observed :

“Nothing is more unequal than the equal treatment of the unequals .”

Errr.. have I started sounding like a feminist? Well, I did not mean to raise placards against the menfolk ( my father was a man, my brothers are and my husband is ! I love them all !! ) I just wanted to make the Alishas feel legitimately proud of themselves and carry on undetered by so-called failures to lift trophies in some competitions. Plus I wanted to reflect ( and make you reflect, too) on concepts like “winning”, “competition”, “success”, “ accomplishment”, “ achievement motivation” and put them to perspective – in short, what is it that really matters at the end of the day ? Is it to win or to achieve, to accomplish ?

Actually, I am not really averse to competitions as such or even competition among participants of both genders. That, in fact, brings out the best in each – by setting benchmarks, by continuously increasing the bar. But beyond a certain point( i.e benchmarking against others in the similar field of expertise), competitions are not important finally. Ultimately, what matters is the attitude with which you participate and the attitude with which the gallery looks at it ! True competition lies in competing with yourself – beating your former self everytime.

Personally, I am rather averse to the term “winning” !! Winning has ‘others’ at its centre – you focus on what others are doing: to win you must defeat others.

To my mind, more than an urge to‘win’, it is healthier to have an “accomplishment attitude” or an “achievement motivation”, or a ‘winning attitude” and let me clarify winning and winning attitude are different. Winning is a specific incident of winning; whereas winning attitude is the quality of perseverence – the ability to bounce back after every fall and continue running the race to accomplish what you had set out for ! An accomplishment attitude will always have ‘yourself’ at its centre and you will always be prompted to do better than your last time to satiate your accomplishment motivation. And what is more, true achievement motivation will also have you keep an eye on what others are doing to fix your bar at a challenging level. Very simple logic : if you have already ‘accomplished’ something at a particular point of time, and you are driven by what I call ‘an accomplishment attitude’, then

- you will look forward to accomplishing something still better.

- You will challenge yourself to become a conscientious, hard worker;

- you will raise the bar after each accomplishment to make a still greater achievement ;

- you will become still more alive to grab more opportunities to learn and excel in what you do;

- you will look still deeper inside yourself to recognise your hidden strengths n talents and seek their expression ! In short, you will look more at yourself – how best and how fast you can become better than your earlier selves, while looking at others to have an idea on the benchmarks to be fixed and not necessarily to defeat them, although history shows that such a person, who runs his own race with all his might and sincerity eventually wins against others – not as a conscious effort, but as a natural outcome! And even if, there are a few still ahead of him/her, he is still an achiever as he has achieved his goals! Actually, that would constitute true ‘winning’ spirit, winning against your own limitations, winning against your own former self !!

That will also be true success in life – you get closer and closer to becoming what you can be !

Back to the specific issue of women !

My submission is : each of us must develop clear perspectives as also the sensibilities and sensitivity that it takes to sit on judgement in life. Well, ab initio, no one has a right in the first place to judge others – but in real life, whether we like it or not, we do find ourselves in specific roles wherein we have to take such calls. Hence, the more alive we are to what goes into a particular quality n level of performance, the fairer our judgement would be. At least, that way, a day will come when all the hurts, humiliations and injustice that are being meted out to the women now will see a decline !!

Ladies, do not ever set impossible standards just to compete with the males – set challenging standards, that challenge your own natural endowments, persevere and transcend - fly beyond the visible horizon ! Run your own race ! Challenge yourselves; give your best ! And then let go; listen to the music in your own heart on your accomplishments. Who gives a damn, whether the gallery applauds or not ! There will be applause, though – much deserved - in time, if the onlookers have the ‘eyes’, ‘ears’ and ‘soul’ for it !!

So, Alisha – three cheers to your exceptional talent and remarkable perseverance ! These are THE TWO things that would lead you on the path of true success and accomplishment and ultimately lead you to become who you are capable of : who you are meant to be . Do remember two things in life:

i. "Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome." Booker T. Washington,

ii. Success is not winning every battle: it is winning the war ultimately .

So… Buck up my Alishas !!

And before I end, I would share a story of nine extra-ordinary winners, who ‘won’ because they knew that something else was more important than their winning the race !

[ story collected by my friend Veera from Net]

Some time ago, at the Seattle Olympics, nine athletes, all mentally or physically challenged, were standing on the start line for the 100 m race.

The gun fired and the race began. Not everyone was running, but everyone wanted to participate and win.

They ran in threes, a boy tripped and fell, did a few somersaults and started crying.

The other eight heard him crying.

They slowed down and looked behind them.

They stopped and came back… All of them…

A girl with Down’s Syndrome sat down next to him, hugged him and asked, “Feeling better now?”

Then, all nine walked shoulder to shoulder to the finish line.

The whole crowd stood up and applauded. And the applause lasted a very long time…

How GREEN are you

2009-05-24T13:18:00.001+05:30

HOW ‘GREEN’ ARE YOU ??

As I was sitting at home a fews days back and leisurely browsing the internet - deeply soaking in the soft rustles and pampers of the nice, cool breeze blowing through the room even during this hot summer day in mid-May, suddenly I woke up to some serious realisation.

Yes, I had not switched on the fan in the room since morning and it was already about 3 pm in the afternoon. What’s more, I also realised that I have not been using fan or light in this room for the past quite many days, ever since I returned from Patna !! It is so very well ventilated and well-lighted that you simply do not need a fan, AC or lights !! (though, others may feel obsessively compelled to put on the fan or even AC ) Actually, our apartment is south-facing, looking over a large stretch of vacant land; so we are extremely lucky to have been blessed with Nature’s most precious gifts – air and light- in abundance !!

Recently, to harness this blessing all the more, I had re-arranged my furniture in the living room – shifting my dining set to the huge window facing the balcony. During morning hours, I just love sitting there, having my steaming cup of tea, reading the newspapers and working on my lappie, caressed by refreshingly nice n cool breeze and ample light. No need for fan or light again ! During the last three decades, I had almost forgotton this amazing feel of natural breeze, that we used to have in our childhood at our residence at Puri ( located near sea )!!

I really feel very happy that at least mine is a GREEN home and relish giving myself a pat on the back once in a while over the fact that I have got into a habit of making conscious moves to keep it that way ; saving on electricity consumption to the last bit possible. I switch off all lights, fans in rooms other than the one I am in – almost obssessively now. But for this energy-consciousness, I would have liked the entire house to be lighted especially when alone ( and most of these days , I am alone ) !!

So to cut the long story short : I am deliberately trying to reduce energy consumption / wastage – not only it saves my money spent on electricity – it does something much more significant for this planet: it helps in energy conservation- the insignificant quantum of my personal contribution notwithstanding! Every unit of energy saved is equivalent to a unit of energy produced !! Because the stock of natural energy is finite and availability of energy in usable form like electricity is also finite by the extent of production. So if I save a unit by curtailing my wasteful usage, it becomes available elsewhere for a genuine need. Just imagine, what the gross impact could be, if each individual makes a conscious effort to reduce wasteful consumption of energy at one’s own level first !! Add to that the impact of green initiatives that are possible at an organisational level !

Actually, by now most of us know( but the point is how many act as needed ) that the physical survival of our race and our Mother Earth now is severely challenged by three major environmental issues, off-shoots of our high industrialisation and urbanisation :

i. climate change / global warming mainly due to emission of carbon and other hazardous pollutants to air on one hand and rapid erosion of green cover ( forests , trees ) on the other.

ii. rapid depletion of natural sources of energy like coal, oil , gas ….and even water mainly due to excessive usage of the same to maintain our modern lifestyle which would come to a complete halt without these. Can you imagine even a day without electricity ? without fuel for your car ? without energy ? Run a quick glance through your everyday items of use and the lifestyle of even a common man – you will shudder to think of a situation without energy !!! The real challenge is that these natural ‘stores’ of energy sources are finite and are getting exhausted at astronomical rate. So, the challenge before us is to conserve energy to the last bit, have better and better extraction technology with improved ability to tap the available natural deposits of oil, coal etc. and most crucially, to find and harness alternative sources of renewable energy, like solar power, wind power !

iii. Waste management : solid waste, chemical waste, industrial waste etc. ; perhaps now e-waste can also be added as a menace in not-too-distant a future.

As far as our physical environmental hazards are concerned, these ‘trio’ form the crux of the menace – acting and interacting on one another !!

[Of course, when it comes to our survival in its real sense, economic and social ‘pollutants’ affecting the sustain-ability of the human race also need to be addressed on an equal footing. Truly, ‘rising temperatures’ are equally a consequence of unadmissible entrants into air, water and earth as of unadmissible entrants into our value syatem – of ‘falling values’ !!! How ? Worth reflecting by anyone genuinely concerned beyond self –interest.]

Coming back to the environmental hazards, my take is : although these issues to be meaningfully addressed, the corporates and the goverments must play their role at an organised level, we, as individuals, can also play an equally significant role through our conduct in our day-today-life – in fact, I would say, a far bigger role than that meets our eye on first thought.

This reminds me of an interesting concept called “Waste Hierarchy ” that I had read about somewhere, which I think, is a wonderful way to internalise green consciousness in both individuals and organisations.

This is a ranking of possible environmental actions in increasing order of environmental benefit:

To burn material for energy is better than sending it to a landfill.
To recycle it is better than burning it.
To reuse material is better than recycling it.
To reduce the amount needed is better than reusing it.
To eliminate the need for material is better than reducing it.

The last one is the best option and last but one is the second best and so on. If as an individual, as aslo as a part of an organisation, I imbibe this thinking, then instead of giving lip service to the environment issues, I would act in a conscious manner everyday – at least to reduce consumption, curtail wasteful consumption, reuse to the extent possible and find out other modes of doing things which are not dependent on scarce resources or produce lesser solid waste for disposal, plant trees in office and home/neighbourhood, walk down to the neighbourhood shop instead of using my car etc. etc.

a. At home and office, I can desist from switching on fans, lights and ACs, if not truly needed.

b. I can switch off TVs/computers , when not in use, instead of leaving them in stand-by mode. Contrary to common belief, stand-by mode consumes a significant amount of electricity .

c. I can pause a moment when I see numerous fans and lights on, proclaiming that the office is open even when higher animals called employees to adorn their seats are not in sight; I can simply switch them off - without listening to the clamour of voices inside ringing with cynicism “ company ka maal, darya mein dal ” !

d. I can be very careful about use of paper !! After all, where from paper comes ? Is it not one of the major reasons for felling trees, erosion of green cover ??

e. I can stop taking those n number of photocopies of official communications to be sent to numerous units of operation, to which I have already sent these communications by e-mail or fax ! I will do well to remind myself that the recipients of these faxes/emails must have already kept hard copies !! ( I mean, if at all, hard copies are to be preserved in each damned case .)

[ And no offense meant to anyone, but what about the common practice in many organisations to keep a copy of every communication received from top and passed down the line, at literally every point it passes through ??? For operating units at the grass root, most of the time, one ends up getting at least 6 to 7 communications with same/similar contents around the same time – by letter, fax, email print-out etc. It used to amuse and amaze, and then hurt, me while in service to think of the colossal wastage of time, paper, fax rolls, fax ink and so many other resources due to this one single reason ! One should imagine, with 10000+ operating units alone and hundreds of controlling /administrative units across the organisation, how much resources must be getting wasted in maintaining this kind of a working culture !! In fact, I used to get wild to get faxes on the same matter from five different places around the same time and all on official letter heads ( you can imagine, how much costly fax ink gets used up just in printing these logos and other detailed stuff that appear in all letterheads !!). I have even called up many of them to say … please, for heavens sake, stop this ! But, unless an organisation-wide awareness and sensitivity develops, this will go on unabated. ]

f. I can use the reverse side of the envelops/letter covers/obsolete stationery for drafting, noting etc. instead of wasting fresh plain paper for these purposes . I have the moral right to say this, because I actually do this.

g. I can ‘sell’ the letter covers etc. along with newspapers, old notebooks, books etc. – instead of dumping them in the dustbin – obviously not for the price ( which is just measly), but because it ensures that it goes to the recycling factories eventually. Dustbin wastes mostly get disposed off by burning. My uncle once mentioned about this practice that he follows and the reason for it and I really appreciated.

h. I can maintain separate dustbins, at home and office, to dump paper-based waste separately, which will facilitate their disposal in a way as to facilitate recycling or reuse.

i. I can plant or maintain green plants / gardens in my neighbourhood and office premises.

j. I can close running water taps , if noticed at public places. I can draw the attention of the concerned authority to broken / leaking pipelines.

k. I can use public transport or pooled car, whenever and wherever feasible, instead of feeling pride in speeding away all alone in a huge car with AC on and blocking half the road all by myself. I can also prefer walking down or cycling, if feasible, of course.

l. I can at least enquire about the emission levels or compliance certifications and fuel efficiency while purchasing new motor vehicles – consciously, out of concern for global warming. Similar display of concern by large number of prospective customers would ultimately push the manufacturers to improve green-compliance of their products. ( Obviously, govts and policy makers have a big role in setting regulatory framework in this regard, but I am talking about my role as an individual only – so not discussing that aspect).

m. I can sacrifice my lust for ‘earth’ and decide in favour of an apartment in a multi-storeyed building for my residence over a stand-alone house.

n. I can resist the temptation of going to that bigger shopping mall at a distance, by car, to window-shop and get my branded stuff; instead I can walk down to the neighbourhood mall where all these same things are available.

o. I can plan my visit to multiple shops / visit points ( say, the tailor, the dry-cleaner, the grocer etc. ) on the same day, instead of dashing off in my car to these places on different dates, just because I have time to spare.

Well, so on and so forth …. But am I really trying to do similar things?

If green consciousness sounds not-something-to be so finicky- about, then please think twice .

A few days back, there was a news item in a Daily ( TOI issue dt 06^th May, 09 , reported by : Nitin Sethi) – captioned :

“ Disaster date may move up 21 years to 2029”

It said, the world must restrict its carbon emissions to 190 giga tonnes by 2050, if it is to have a chance of escaping the consequences of global warming. These are as per the latest findings published in “ Nature” magazine, which puts aside all earlier calculations and warned that our planet could take even less of the greenhouse gases than imagined before. There is 75% chance the world can hope to escape the danger of global average temperatures rising by more than 2 degrees Celsius above the pre-industrial era only if it can keep its carbon emissions below 190 giga tonnes over the next 41 years. Although this inspires some hope, there is much to be worried over, as last year alone, the world emitted 9 giga tonnes of carbon by burning fossil fuels. And the rate at which we emit carbon is rising 3% every year. If we continue to burn fossil fuels and gases at this rate, the safety mark of 190 giga tonnes will be crossed by 2029 !! Every single tonne of carbon thrown into the air thereafter will reduce progressively our chances to survive the havoc of catastrophic climate change .

Some wake up call, I swear ; but seriously, are we listening ??

Well, that is only about the issue of global warming and climate change due to carbon emissions. But it is not this single issue alone, that needs to seize the attention of anyone walking on this planet. It is the entire spectrum of issues concerning our SUSTAINABILITY - from emission of carbon and other toxics/pollutants into the air, rapid erosion of forest cover / water mass, rapid depletion of energy sources like coal, oil, gas and water levels to …… well, a host of other things that affect the sustain-ability of this planet, that may well include how we conduct ourselves as individuals as much as how the corporates run their businesses from a perspective of corporate social responsibility( CSR) - everything to do with rising temperatures and falling values that may affect the sustain-ability of our current generation as well as the coming generations !! I reiterate this at the cost of repetition .

In short, “Sustainability” is the ability to meet the needs of the current generation without compromising the ability of the future generations to meet their needs.

And “Go Green” is coming up as a metaphor to represent the entire spectrum of sustainability issues and not just planting trees or addressing global warming. When I say how green are you or your organisation, I am simply keen to make you introspect on all these issues from a long term perspective and do whatever you can to address this at your level – as an individual, as part of a corporate, as part of policy makers n government, as part of the global community.

The volume of carbon emissions and rate at which it is increasing - should there be a prize to guess whether the ability of our future generation to sustain themselves is compromised or not ? Are you, as a person, not a party to this if you are unnecessarily using a motor vehicle when you could have avoided using it ? Are you not a party to this if while buying or marketing cars, you have not given even a thought to know how much carbon it is going to throw up into the air/its compliance with emission standards? Are you not a party to it if you are not trying to have enough green trees around to help nature convert the carbon emissions to life-saving oxygen and lessen impact on environmental temperature ? Think about it and you will be amazed to discover in how many small ways you can make a positive contribution to make this problem a little less. I have already mentioned a few earlier in this post.

Yes… I catch what you are thinking right now. The corporate world, the manufacturers, the financiers, government etc. have a big, big role to play, so far as this particular issue is concerned. In fact, I was a little sad when “Nano” came to market and the bankers started falling head over heel to finance the cars – with slogans like “ Nano for each Indian” - that too, without anywhere coming out with any public announcements on the emission-performance of this little common man’s car. Obviously, the target is the two-wheeler owners who would be tempted to upgrade. Would it lure the big-car owners to give away their swanky status symbols for a Nano for the similar services it offers as a city-ride at a ridiculously low cost ?

AND, LORD SAVE US – how would the traffic scenario be, if actually each Indian possesses a small car, with nothing improving as far as the roads are concerned ??? Honestly, personally, I feel, it is time for huge public transports and not small cars for a multitude. It is high time for a twin action - a robust and efficiently managed public transport system that can inspire confidence in everyone that it is better than driving own vehicles AND disincentives for buying vehicles for personal use (say, by way of high taxes, stricter permissions like in Singapore ) as also disincentives for using motor vehicles during certain distances/ time periods. Such govt. imposed disincentives can work a miracle in taking the status-symbol out of personal possession of four-wheelers. What no amount of social awareness campaigns can do in this regard can be achieved overnight and the message will spread that it is no longer the happening thing to show–off a car ! A word of caution ! The disincentives, without developing an efficient public transport system first, will not achieve the objective at all.

In Office premises, go for centralised air-conditioning as much as possible, instead of numerous window ACs or split ACs, design your interior aligned to natural light and see the savings on energy consumption !

Bankers and financing companies can contribute a lot just by containing their opportunism in coverting everything into a business opportunity and financing everything that comes to the market, without making a reasonable study of its long term impact on the environment/society/economy from a sustainability perspective. On the side of affirmative action, bankers and financiers can also contribute positively by giving incentives by way of reduced interest rates/service charges to manufacturing units or other industrial/service units, who invest in and implement green initiatives.

I feel a fresh gush of breeze when I hear about new concepts like ‘Carbon Credit’, ‘Green Home Loans’ ‘ shifting to green suppliers’, ‘cut carbon out of the supply chain’ ‘stop transporting air’, ‘go local’etc.

As per some studies, industrial and transportation sectors—those that coincide with supply chain activities—account for 61 percent of carbon emissions in USA ! So, if only transportation aspect in the supply chain can be taken care of, say by rationalizing sourcing, assembly and distribution in relation to markets, travel distances, corresponding fuel use can be reduced. At times, even simple changes to a product design – from reducing weight to making it easier to disassemble or assemble — can reduce energy consumption and waste throughout the product life cycle. Someone made a brilliant point: a delivery truck filled with flat-packed chairs can carry the equivalent of six trucks of fully assembled chairs; so why transport air ?? The same principle can apply to all types of surface transport for goods and merchandise - enhance carriage space upward, you save dramatically on energy cost on transportation. { Indian Railways did something similar a few years back – kudos !}

Point is: the industrial world, even the service organisations – in fact the entire corporate world needs to gear up now to go green – invest in R&D for cleaner and greener technology, adapt green practices, orient their staffer towards appreciation of and compliance with green initiatives. Governments and Policy makers, as also NGOs and awakened citizens/citizen groups must do their bit in driving something like a Green Revolution through awareness projects and regulatory/punitive frameworks.

Ekks… suddenly I realise that I am going on and on. Well, my objective was to stir your conscience and consciousness about sustain-ability of our Mother Earth – obviously our race and our future generations included. I would like to believe, I have hit it ! And you are thinking for yourself: “how green am I ?”

Please think and act.

MOTHER ...Oh.. ...MOTHER

2009-05-10T10:37:00.007+05:30

MOTHER, Oh.. MOTHER !!

Everytime I travel by road via Bandra in Mumbai, a beautiful statue of a mother figure rocking her child on folded legs never ceases to make me thoughtful for a moment as I read the message that it carries :

A mother is born the moment her child is born.

Mother’s Day falls today - on 10^th May, 2009.

I am usually against “Day”s being allocated once a year to remember someone or something special, as it lends a measure of formality to something, which otherwise should be spontaneous, boundless and straight from the heart. In some way, it also sanctions tokenism for things profound. Nevertheless, over the years, I have started seeing the plus points of such celebrations also – especially days like Mother’s Day, Friendship Day etc.. ( hey, when is Father’s Day celebrated ?? ). At least, it encourages one to express the unspoken words for the dear ones on that particular day. Otherwise, with increasingly fast pace of life these days, many well meaning emotions never get expressed. Let us remember : even the best of bonds grow stronger with occasional explicit re-affirmation !!

I am particularly fond of Mother’s Day. Gives me an occasion to re-connect with my mother and my children, who made me a mother.

[ NOTE BEFORE I PROCEED : She invariably includes he ; so I take the liberty of referring an entity who possibly can be of any gender as a “she” - like a child and God, the almighty !! And of course, I take ‘mother’ as representing both mother and father, none less than the other !!! ]

Now, let me first share my treasure !

Well, so..o. sweet, nah ?? That’s a magnet couriered by my daughter recently – thanks, baby !!

This one was hand-drawn by my daughter when she was a little kid and presented to me on that year’s Mother’s Day. So, cute !! In the middle portion of the card, she draws a cat and writes, “ I L U”, this is a sweet cat card for you from your kitten ” . If, by chance she visits my blog and sees this, she would be so surprised …(and scandalised, ha, ha, sorry kiddo !) Yes, darlings, I have preserved many more of your presents…. they are so precious to me !!

Again hand-drawn and self-composed verse by my sweetie pie, when she was a kiddo. Every time I used to go outstation on unavoidable official tours, coming back home used to be a lovely and hugely cherishable experience.

And this one !! The locket – a monkey-god(who I worship) – was gifted by my daughters on one Mother’s Day . So..o thoughtful of them ! They knew, I am an ardent fan of Lord Hanumanji and was always wearing a silver locket on a gold chain, although it was not going with that at all. So , they gifted this gold locket – which I have been wearing EVER SINCE, and wish to wear it for ever ! I love you, buddies! God bless you !

Well, those are some of the tangible ones. There can be no count or display of the intangibles that I have got as a mother – I have grown fuller as a person after becoming a mother and growing simultaneously with my children.

I do not know, whether I have been able to give as much to my mother or not. I definitely owe her everything – all that I am today. I always know … she is there for me, whenever I need her – no strings attached. She is the most wonderful woman in my life . I love you, Mom.

The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks.

Carrie Latet

Mother, oh.. Mother …. !!!!!!!!

M for Magnanimity

O for Omni-presence

T for Teacher

H for Holiness

E for Eternity

R for Re-Creation

Mother is Magnanimity personified.

Full of unconditional love, blessings and best wishes for her child, irrespective of whether they deserve it, whether they reciprocate it or not.

A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.

Tenneva Jordan

That is example of only a trivial sacrifice. She is ever ready to become a martyr on the altar of her child – ever ready to pardon even the bitterest act or gravest mistake by her child – even behind a façade of a ruthless mother who lets her child fall only to learn how to walk, there is a mother’s heart which would do any sacrifice needed to protect her child and see her child stand on her feet and take the bully, that is this world, by its horns. Mother’s love is unconditional ultimately. Blessed are the children who develop the wisdom and sensitivity to understand it .

“ The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness. ”

Honoré de Balzac

Mother is Omni-present for her child.

Call out for your mother with your heart and soul and there she will be – in life, in death, whether you see her or not. She is always available to you – no conditions attached !

Washington Irving once said,

“A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.”

How true !!

Mother is child’s first and the best Teacher.

“That best academy, a mother's knee.” - so told James Russell Lowell

I still remember the kitchen of our old house at my home town, where, as a child, I used to sit on a “pidha” ( a slightly raised wooden platform on which one sits on the floor without touching the ground) and used to do my lessons taking help from my mother as she would cook the dinner and at other times, I would just sit there and sing to my mother. Heaven on earth, I tell you.

It is a truism that a mother is the first and the best teacher of a person and needs no elaboration.

Mother is Holiness.

God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers.

A Jewish Proverb

An ounce of mother is worth a pound of clergy. Appreciation of this simple truth is equivalent to praying the Almighty. After all, she is our Creator in this physical world that we see, feel and perceive. She is the God for her child in that sense.

Is there any difference between the trust we feel towards God and the trust that a child displays in completely surrendering itself to her mother during infancy when it is absolutely helpless and dependent on others for every single thing ? Growing up, as you serve your mother with true understanding and love, God shall not ask any further.

Mother is Eternity for her child.

So long as you exist, your mother exists, too, through you, in you, irrespective of the fact whether or not she is alive physically. Can any child ever obliterate this existential presence of her mother ?

Perhaps, that’s why it is said that one of the greatest legacies that a human being can leave behind is a child and one of the greatest service to mankind lies in raising a child in a worthy manner .

“My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune.” Graycie Harmon

Mother is Re-Creation.

Mother re-creates and perpetuates life . Kahlil Gibran once said, “Your children are not your sons and daughters: they are life’s longing for itself.” True. But life chooses a mother’s womb to re-create itself !!

[That was my Ode to Mother. Actually, I wanted to write a poem, but alas- that is not to be -so prosaic I am !! Friends, if you have composed some, please share.]

My dear friend Veera had once shared with me a touching story on Mother, which I feel like sharing with all on the occasion of Mother’s Day – in honour of all mothers on this planet.

The story goes like this …. The narrator uses the first person to narrate the story.

My mom only had one eye. I hated her... she was such an embarrassment. She cooked for students & teachers to support the family.

There was this one day during elementary school where my mom came to say hello to me. I was so embarrassed. How could she do this to me !!!

I ignored her, threw her a hateful look and ran out.

The next day at school, one of my classmates said, “ EEEE, your mom only has one eye ! ”

I wanted to bury myself.

I also wanted my mom to just disappear.

So I confronted her that day and said, " If you're only gonna make me a laughing stock, why don't you just die?!!!"

My mom did not respond...

I didnt even stop to think for a second about what I had said, because I was full of anger.

I was oblivious to her feelings.

I wanted her out of that house, and have nothing to do with her.

So I studied real hard, got a chance to go to the city to study.

Then, I got married. I bought a house of my own.
I had kids of my own.

I was happy with my life, my kids and the comforts .

Then one day, my mother came to visit me.

She hadn't seen me in years and she didn't even meet her grandchildren.

When she stood by the door, my children laughed at her, and I yelled at her for coming over uninvited.

I screamed at her, "How dare you come to my house and scare my children!"
GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!!!"

And to this, my mother quietly answered, "Oh, I'm so sorry. I may have gotten the wrong address," and she disappeared out of sight.

One day, a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house in the city.

So I lied to my wife that I was going on a business trip.

After the reunion in my village school, I went to the old shack just out of curiosity.

My neighbours said that she died.

I did not shed a single tear.

They handed me a letter that she had wanted me to have. It said…

“ I think of you all the time. I'm sorry that I came to your house in the city and scared your children. I was so glad when I heard you were coming for the reunion. But I may not be able to even get out of bed to see you.

I'm sorry that I was a constant embarrassment to you when you were growing up.

You see........when you were very little, you got into an accident, and lost your eye. As a mother, I couldn't stand watching you having to grow up with one eye.

So I gave you mine.

I was so proud of my son who was seeing a whole new world for me, in my place, with that eye.

With my love to you,

Your Mother ”

The story ends there and it is left to the imagination of the readers as to whether after knowing the facts, at least a drop of tear came to the eyes of the wretched son or not !!

No painter's brush, nor poet's pen
In justice to her fame
Has ever reached half high enough
To write a mother's name.
~Author Unknown

MOTHER is the most splendid experience in life ! Thank you, Bou, for always being there for me – for making me all that I am today.

AND HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY TO ALL MOMs !!

PAUSE AND PONDER : WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE AT ALL ????

2009-05-06T11:27:00.004+05:30

Pause And Ponder sl 5 : Why bad things happen to good people at all ??

Quite a number of times in my life, I have run into this question… why at all bad things happen to good people ? When something unexpectedly adverse happens to me at a personal level also, I look up in total bewilderment and ask “ God, Why me ??”

But the anguish was perhaps at its peak, when my brother passed away a few months back at an age of just 55 and thinking of what has happened to my sister-in-law ( an adorable sister, not just in law !), and my niece ( can not be a better ‘daughter’ than her for any parents in the whole world !), I agitatedly asked God 'why' ????

To my question, I got an insight like never before .... 1stly, the question " Why bad things happen to good people?" is a wrong question ab initio. Nowhere it is said/written/suggested that bad things will never happen to u if u r good - EACH human has to have a piece of both, good as well as bad, to grow and experience life as a complete whole. There is not a single adult on this planet who has not fallen at least once before learning how to stand and walk erect. It is all in the process of natural growth and so are the ‘bad’ things; only difference being– if you are ‘good’, God invariably blesses you with everything needed to come out of it better and not get battered. So, the real test of if you are truly good or not is testified by the fact asto whether a bad experience leaves you better or bitter & battered.

So, the correct question is : What do good people do when bad things happen to them ? And the answer to this, as I pose this question in relation to my sis-in-law and a whole lot of other good people, who have apparently been meted out injustice or unfair treatment in life, that I know about, is very very convincing : They do everything to emerge out of this as a stronger and still better ( not bitter) person, develop still greater sensitivity to others' hurt n suffering, show still greater willingness n ability to help others ! They seem to tread their path with unwavering trust in the divine dispensation, taking each adversity as an opportunity to grow further; eventually, they do not allow themselves to be crushed – they bounce back with greater courage, love and agility.

And on the day of their reckoning, the good people walk away from this stage full of honour, legitimate pride and fulfilment !!!

I was so touched! My sis-in-law was amongst the first ones to wish me on my wedding anniversary and sent us a wonderful e-card to share our happiness, notwithstanding the fact that, she herself was in an emotional turmoil - by then, not much time had elapsed after Bro left us ! Needless to mention, this is not just one instance of what she did that led me to include her in the category of ‘good’ people. I know her for about three decades and by any standard, she is a wonderful and gold-hearted person. Hence, I took her as example. She is now settling down with engaging assignments, her daughter is already in a pretty good job – and she has all of the extended family by her side - basically, she might not have got all that she wanted, but God has blessed her with everything that she needs and I am sure, in time, she will look back to see the divine design in everything along the way.

There are many such examples in history, in and around us. Just look around and you will never ever let any inappropriate questions like the first one above bother you or affect you any longer.

And I highly recommend reading of works by Robert H. Schuller, the celebrated author of “ Tough Times Never Last; but Tough People Do”. I find his elucidations very lucid and candid when it comes to building perspectives on life issues, which any one can identify with. It helps re-assure you if you already believe in the power of positive thinking; it clarifies and brings back the perspectives, if you are a bit confused, as of now.

Here, I am reminded of an insightful story regarding how we may not always have a clear and correct view of all the things happening. Let me share.

THE DIVINE DESIGN

When I was small, my mother used to sew a great deal . I would sit at her knee and look up from the floor and ask what she was doing. She told me that she was embroidering .

As from the underside I watched her work within the boundaries of the little hoop that she held in her hand, I complained to her that it sure looked messy from where I sat. She’d smile at me, look down and gently say, “ Son, you go about your playing and when I am finished with my embroidering, I will put you on my knee and let you see it from my side .”

I would wonder why she was using some dark threads along with the bright ones and why they seemed so jumbled from my view.

After sometime I would hear my mother’s voice say,” Son, come sit on my knee.” This I did only to be surprised and thrilled to see a beautiful flower or sunset. I could not believe it , because from underneath it looked so messy.

Then mother would say, “ my son , from underneath it did look messy and jumbled, but you did not realize that there was a plan on the top. It was a design. I was only following it .. Now look at it from my side and you will see what I was doing . “

Many times through the years, I have looked upto heaven and said, “ father, what are you doing ? “. He has answered, “ I am embroidering your life . “ I say, “ But it looks like such a mess to me. It seems so jumbled. The threads seem so dark. Why can’t they all be bright ?” The Father seems to tell me, “ My child, you go about doing your business of doing my business, and one day I will bring you to Heaven and put you on my knee and you will see the plan from my side . “

- Author Unknown

Worth reflecting, do n’t you think so ?????

Award , Reward and Complete Disaster

2009-04-24T14:53:00.003+05:30

AWARDS, REWARD AND COMPLETE DISASTER

Awards:

Very plainly put, awards are recognition under reward schemes.

It is commonly believed in the corporate world that whatever you reward, you get more of that and so, usually corporates implement various reward and recognition schemes, to encourage high performance in desired business parameters and award a selected few to send out a positive message.

My intention here is not at all to argue out a case in favour of or against this idea ; nor to judge the merits of the modalities/tools commonly used under these reward schemes to select the “ Best of the Pack ” / Best Performers as against the others who do not get selected despite playing as well or even much better.

[Honestly, if I am asked to take a view, I would rather be in favour of the idea of at least having some reward schemes and giving public recognition to some, and keep on streamlining the schemes based on actual experience, rather than not recognising anyone out of the fear that the scheme is not full-proof to pick up the real best. Actually what matters and can serve the real purpose behind these awards is that everyone should appreciate that these awards are more symbolic in nature and meant to send out a positive message that your organisation is committed to high performance and your contribution is getting noticed at the higher levels.

So, rock on … !

It boomerangs the moment it is claimed that the award winners are the best ones and all others are non- or lesser performers. By its very nature, the playing field in a widely spread-out service organisation, strictly speaking, can never be truly equal and there are not yet tangible measures to evaluate the pure individual contributions of a single person to the results emanating necessarily from team play. But yet, there is no denying the fact that the award winners are definitely high performers and there is no denying the fact that leadership does make a difference to the quality of teamplay: an average team can do wonders under effective leadership; while an excellent team may turn mediocre under poor leadership. Hence, the awards are necessary to spread the right message !!]

Apart from the corporate message regarding visibility of the high performers, there is another important dimension to an ‘award’ and that is : award is basically a public recognition of your merit and hence, it sort of demands greater work with higher commitment and greater excellence ! Ordinarily, awards are expected to enthuse the winners to move to a higher orbit of performance. Check out if that is happening or not; if yes, your reward schemes are a huge success. After all, the best index of success is its longevity.

Reward

Perhaps the most crucial dimension that distinguishes reward from award is that while award is a public recognition that you get for doing something well, reward is an inner feeling of becoming by doing something well.

While awards expect or demand that the winner should move on to a higher plane, reward drives from within and automatically propels the person to a higher orbit of performance.

Nothing more apt could have been said than what Emerson observes about reward :

“The reward for a good job done is having done it well”.

Because, having done a good job, you feel a unique uplifting sense of satisfaction and inner drive for doing still better, irrespective of whether others in the gallery are watching you or not.

To some extent, awards also propel and generate inner drive for higher performance; but there is a great risk of its turning out to be transient, as it draws its sustenance from recognition from others : next time, if despite giving a dazzling performance, you do not get the award, there is a big possibility that it demotivates you more than the award motivated you the first time.

A Complete Disaster

My hubby got the most coveted Award of his Bank ( Best Regional Manager) for two years consecutively ( although it is called Best RM award, about 30 odd Regional Managers were winners of this award and for 2007-08, my hubby was positioned at number one). It is customary in our Bank to felicitate the awardees, along with their spouses to publicly acknowledge the significance of family support behind the high achievers ( that’s really sweet ! ).

On 18^th of this month, I accompanied my hubby to Mumbai for a felicitation of all the Best Regional Managers and Best Branch Managers – all with their spouses – felicitation at the hands of none other than the Chairman. It was a scintillating function organised in the garden of Chairman’s residence ( which has been awarded the Best Residential Garden of Mumbai by BMC this year).

Chairman’s speech was crisp n enlightening – which was followed by giving away of awards, photo sessions, experience sharing by some awardees. Names were called out randomly for experience sharing and our turn did not come ! To be honest, I thought my hubby would definitely get a chance to speak – I was also sort of prepared to speak a few words as a spouse – I had my thoughts gathered, for a change!

I had thought, on behalf of the spouses of the award winners, I would thank the Bank, the Chairman and the top brass for this wonderful way of honouring the top performers and making them share this credit with their other halves. I sincerely wanted to thank the Chairman for having revised the reward money substantially upward which could enable our family to go on a fabulous Europe tour last October on special LFC granted under this reward scheme.

I had thought, I would share this honour with the countless others back home in the Region and Circle, and their family members, who teamed up with my husband to deliver this splendid performance, but for which we would not have been here taking the award !

I had thought, I would compliment the award-winners and at the same time, urge them to always remember two things: firstly, that award propels and demands higher performance with greater excellence and total commitment. The onus now falls on them to prove to themselves at each step ahead that they deserved every bit of it , by doing better than their past best. Secondly, they have to remember that at the end, the reward for your perseverence is not what you get for it , but what you become by it. So award or no award, you must keep on giving your best shot, doing better than your best.

Alas… there were only thoughts ; but no action taken by me to create an opportunity for sharing my mind. I could have simply asked the organiser ( a close friend of mine) to announce my name for speaking on behalf of the spouses. I did not do that. Soon, there came the vote of thanks and then group photo session was announced. So our chances to speak on this golden occasion gone – or so I thought !!

But see the irony ! As it needed some re-arrangement to be done for the group photos, there was a sudden announcement for volunteers from the audience to sing on stage. Daughter of one of the awardees volunteered and gave a beautiful rendering. Meanwhile, the compere, who happens to be the organiser of this event and a very close friend of mine, came over and whispered to me that I was going to sing next ! I was really caught off-guard and started waving her saying “ No, No” – but she went up the dias and announced my name saying that since I am her batch-mate, she knows I sing very well and that she can take this liberty with me !!

Oh, God ! how I was feeling … too shy, gigly and wanting to strangle my friend’s neck right there !! But to keep her honour, I went up the stage, took the mike ( at the heart of my heart, I always knew till then that once I hold a mike, I can never fail in singing !) and started singing my most favourite prayer.

But I was in for the greatest shock of my life ! As I started singing, I thought my voice is trembling unduly and just after three lines, suddenly I stopped singing, giggled and said, ‘thank you’ and ‘sorry’ and sort of, ran away from the stage. Of course, whatever little I sang, drew a good applause and later on, lot of nice comments – likes of ‘singing so beautifully, why did not you sing fully’, ‘ have a beautiful voice – must work on it’ etc.

BUT, BUT, BUT …. The fact remains that .. ( so painful to admit ! ) I walked off the stage mid-way ; I failed to sing though I claim to be a talented singer and I failed before whom … the Chairman, the top brass, a wide cross-section of our own people – an audience before which anyone in this bank would die to showcase one’s talent !!

I failed to take a rare and golden opportunity that was given to me by my dear friend, which could have been used by me both for speaking a few words and singing : First, with the mike in my hand, I could have said what I had thought of saying, as there was no thanks-giving done by any one from the ‘spouses’ group. I could have made my short speech still peppier by adding that though it is not the rule to speak after the vote of thanks, I am taking the liberty to break the rule and thank the bank for …. blah… blah .. .

Then I could have started singing, and I am sure, after speaking for sometime, that grip on voice automatically comes and I could have really rendered the way I usually sing. [By the way, later when I heard my hubby’s mobile recording, I suddenly realised that my voice was not sounding as shaky as I thought on stage !! So, another act of foolishness out of stage fright. Actually, suddenly, I went blank and forgot the next line.)

So.. it was a complete disaster; complete in every sense because what I did amounts to snatching a defeat out of the jaws of victory and none other than me was responsible for this failure to seize a golden opportunity !! It is awful to admit this in this public medium; but perhaps that is the first thing that I need to do as penance. What went wrong with me … despite having my thoughts gathered for the short speech, despite getting a request to sing ( I did not have to volunteer or beg for a chance ), despite getting a platform with a high profile audience that included Chairman , MDs, DMDs etc. and their spouses ???

No, it was not stage fright. It was not lack of practice either, although I did not have scope to practice for about a week before that. It was not even because I was not expecting a request for singing.

When I analyse now, post-facto, in a detached and honest manner, I see the reason in my habit of saying “ No, No” to singing whenever I am asked to !! This has become a strange second nature to me, when it comes to singing before anyone on request. The same kind of absurd shyness grips me even at this age, as it used to, when I was a child !! There is no rationale for it, no justification for it !! It is only when I decide to sing in advance that I find myself able to sing comfortably. I realise, this is becoming a self-limiting, almost reflexive behaviour on my part and it is high time, I get out of this ….making very conscious effort. Otherwise, how do I go about my already proclaimed goal of pursuing singing after I left my job???

Truly,

“The tragedy of life is not death, but what we let die inside of us while we live.”

- Norman Cousins

And I sincerely do not want this tragedy to happen to me . So, I promise myself that as a penance, now I will take or create opportunity to sing the same prayer in full before at least 10 audiences in coming one year !!

So, that’s it !! I just felt like sharing this story of my complete failure. I think, it may resonate with you if you are also finding opportunities passing by without you being consciously aware that it is of your own making. Do some soul-searching and change what is needed to be changed within. Are you wondering what is the relationship between award/reward and disaster ?

Well, award and reward come after success; failure or disaster comes before success . Then there goes the saying : failure is the pillar of success . Take both the hypotheses together and you get some sequence like : failure, success, reward, award …..

So let me start now … afresh, my recent complete disaster notwithstanding !!!!

[ And friends, be ready to play me the audience and help me fulfill my self-target, which was carrying another zero originally, but got struck off while typing and I knew, that was the right thing to have happened. Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha ! )

Pause and Ponder sl 4 : Beyond Fear, there is Freedom .

2009-04-11T10:30:00.003+05:30

Pause and Ponder sl. No 4 : BEYOND FEAR, THERE IS FREEDOM

“ It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that they are difficult. ”

- Seneca

What a profound wisdom in simple words !!

[Actually, at times, I feel straight-talk advices like “ Be courageous”, “ Be adventurous”, “ Be fearless” etc. sound a little threatening and more than inspiring one to overcome fear, they tend to instill more of self-doubt ( thoughts like am I able enough to do all these ? ) because somewhere they seem to advocate more than ordinary guts. But when we think in terms of what Seneca says, it ultimately means the same thing – have more than ordinary guts – but it makes us feel this in a more comforting and re-assuring manner – it makes us feel that it is actually okay to fear a bit, but it is worth taking leap despite the fear; it makes us believe that, though something looks difficult before we start, once we start, it will turn out to be not as difficult as we thought and so just start ! It actually inspires you and helps you actually dare !!! ]

It is observed – too often, that we contemplate doing many things that we feel are worth doing; but somehow the worries of difficulties that may come our way, the fear of failure, the fear of ridicule, the fear of rejection, the fear of persecution etc. get better of us and we fail to muster up that little grain of courage to take the first step. But if we consciously and continuously fill our mind with simple, yet powerful thoughts like what Seneca said, soon it can become a way of life with us to dare…

be it a small adventure like learning a new skill that you think you are not naturally wired for( e.g. I learning how to drive a car on road etc.) or doing something you are scared of ( like bunji jumping/ I donating blood etc.)

or a big adventure like climbing a mountain, or rafting , or doing stunts, going to space , or public speaking etc.

or a tall adventure like carrying disparate groups along to deliver a common goal or having your way in negotiation with strong opponents, or out-performing the market without compromising ethics in business etc.

or a great adventure like retaining your freedom of mind in the face of all bondages, standing up against injustice in any form, serving the sick and the suffering, inspiring others by own examples, challenging the conservative wisdom to invent/innovate/discover something new and creative, getting political freedom for your country from centuries of foreign subjugation etc.

But one thing is common in all this : a mindset that runs towards , and not away from what the mind fears !! It is a mindset that dares and you dare when you

D….. feel an intense Desire to pursue something worthy, though difficult

A …. believe that you have the Ability to do this, if required by acquiring the new skills,

by pooling others having the needed skill

R…… take Risk by actually taking action needed for the pursuit

E….. keep Evaluating mid-course for course-corrections, if needed and act

accordingly

Personally, I draw tremendous inspiration from this quote of Seneca and there have been several trying situations in my life – both personal and professional, small and big, when these few words have helped me discover the ‘courageous I ’ within myself and as I look back… I feel simply splendid about it that I have always been able to look into my eyes in the mirror - not because I have achieved anything ‘great’ or ‘grand’ or ‘ historic’ or something that can make the world bow down in admiration. No, what makes me so joyous is that I see in the mirror a pair of eyes, that have always sparkled with a child-like twinkle of daring when faced with fear at very many moments of life! And also the fact that this is a pair of eyes that never had a reason to droop in shame for not having tried something worthy, but difficult.

And there is another beauty in daring: you will never find yourself alone once you dare on a just and worthy course; there will be helping hand(s) sent from Above !!

[ Photo credit : SBI Calendar for 2009 ]

Earlier I had narrated a few of my small encounters with fear in my posts on this blog on 12^th Apr, 2008 and 5^th August, 2008, which do not appear to have been widely read and so I am just reproducing here below to save my friends the pain ( !!) of clicking on the links. These may be of interest to go through in the context of the present post.

12/04/08

A few days back , I stumbled upon an interesting article by Steve – Whatever you fear, Face it . I agree 101% with what he suggests. Yeah .. if we fear something, we must face it and that is perhaps courage in the real sense. Courage is not the absence of fear - it is doing something worthwhile despite fear . And what u experience and gain in the process in terms of pure happiness that comes out of conquering fear & personal inner growth is a treasure, that eludes all those who keep to their safety zones and spend a lifetime without living a moment !

When I started my Blog ( gosh ! last year – and let it remain without any post for almost a year !!) – my wish was to paint different strokes !! At the moment, time apparently is a big constraint. I said apparently – as I find, for one year I just started the blog and did nothing – then since last one month, I am somehow making this time at least once a week to scribble something, now that I want it. Perhaps, that is the secret - really wanting to do something intensely . That is perhaps also the key to mustering up courage – to stand by yourself - to face the fear – the fear of uncertainties – the fear of failure – the fear of being ridiculed - the fear of what the world would think … etc.

Well I know I am basically a courageous person - have displayed it umpteen no. of times as I know it myself – and I know many others also acknowledge that ( ha, Ha ). But , good lord … , when it comes to pursuing my life goals ( now that I have finally spelt these out clearly before my self at least ), I find myself still dilly dallying . Clearly , that right amount of courage to switch course at this juncture of life perhaps is missing as yet !

Let me spell out my goals here – so that I will feel more responsible and be under more self-pressure to muster up what it takes to pursue them !

a) Use my God-gifted singing talent –for my own satisfaction and for giving something back to this world . I don’t know how much daring it will be to dare dream becoming a professional singer at this age – that too without learning music . But surely, God has blessed me with abundant talent to use it for charity shows.

b) Get associated with some orphanage/children’s home etc – do some charity plus “Shramdaan” ( i.e actually spend time with them and do things for them etc. ) .

c) Start writing ( feels a bit nice that at least there has been a beginning towards this goal …)

d) Popularise Oriya cuisine – there are so varied and tasty and healthy and typical dishes we cook , which are yet to be commonly known as, say the southy dishes or north delicacies or Bengali dishes . Let there be Oriya Thali concept – like Gujju Thali – and I m sure, many would love the taste and the combination .

Coming back to Courage - Courage is shedding fear and also shedding the habit of not shedding many things !

05/08/2008

Courage is shedding fear .

I would always cherish the 25^th June of 2008 – a great & memorable day for ME !! Yeah - I conquered fear and did something for the first time which I had been wanting to do whole my life so far .. DONATED BLOOD .

Oh, sounds so trivial - s..o..o many people do that .. that too, time and again. What’s so great about it when it comes to me ? Nothing actually – nothing great about the act per se – only when I look at it in my context ( I simply can not stand sight of blood or needle entering into flesh ( Yup!!) & do not laugh – I close my eyes even when a bloody scene comes on screen !!!) - then I feel this sense of satisfaction that, yeah , I have done it – notwithstanding that great urge to run away from the bed when I had to keep on pumping myself and some sinking feeling was overpowering me after a minute or so & the process was to take another 3 /4 minutes. And I actually had a little bit of black-out after it – felt really embarrassed to hog all the attention-both from the doctor and colleagues, who had themselves given blood minutes back and were cheerfully going around in an absolutely normal condition . Well, that was really making me feel bad – but had no control. Actually, earlier also I had similar experience of sinking after giving blood for test during first pregnancy – may be, psychological because of my fear.

Coming back to point – when I look back to find out how I could actually do this, a few things come out sharply :

a. an intense desire to do . ( Honestly, I always think blood donation to be one of the noblest acts – basically u r giving life to a needy in due course . So always wanted to do something of value going beyond self .)

b. taking opportunity of doing when the circumstances give a chance. (Earlier, apart from the fear, either the timing, or the venue, or the organisers .. or perhaps the lack of intensity of desire.., something or other was coming in the way of my participating in any blood donation camp. This time, it was being organised in my office premises, by our office to celebrate our foundation day and was being organised in a professional manner with the help of doctors and disposable syringes. In my current assignment, it was possible to come down and participate, sparing an hour or so .

c. Actually throwing yourself first into the situation before your fear takes better of u . (Yeah, this time I just made up my mind, came down to the venue . Then, although I did have the impulse of running away , I did not do that as I could not have shown my weakness before my colleagues – u see, each of us do face many occasions in life when we just have to live upto a reputation . Ha, ha . So I knew , once I go to the venue , I will somehow manage to participate and that actually happenned .

d. The feeling after conquering fear is just splendid – charging u with greater vitality and greater happiness !

Thank GOD for helping me feel good about myself .

Same night, I could also be of help to a colleague, who would have otherwise missed his train. It was really raining hard when I was leaving office and here was this person, standing and worried about how he would make it to the train, that was to leave just about 20 minutes from then. There was no auto in sight also. I offered to drop him at his hotel, which is near to the Rly station . I am usually very scared about driving when it is pouring, that too at night – due to very poor visibility. Number two – I would not normally venture to drive to an unknown place in such inclement weather . But I did it – and am happy that I did it .

By the way, last year , I decided to drive my car personally – and, for me , this was a very bold ( read courageous ) decision. My husband & daughters were scared visibly – had no trust in my ability to drive a car . Not their fault – my track record of road alertness, sense of (geographical) direction, route awareness etc. was extremely poor. I agree with them and appreciated that they love me and were concerned about my safety – as also safety of others. But what I never liked about it was the hidden message that I CAN NOT drive . That was not acceptable . When the whole world is able to drive, why can not I ? Nevertheless, I restrained myself in view of my job pressure, erratic timings and requirement of the vehicle by my daughters for various purposes during the day. So continued with dependance on hired drivers till my daughters finished with their classes here, although it was taking a heavy toll on me ( & my car … one would shudder to look at the dents and damages that my poor car had to bear all the time ! I was so disgusted with repeated touch-ups that finally just left it with all the dents & scratches . In fact, that gave my car such a distinct identity ( ha, ha) that all my people at office always recognised my car effortlessly .) . Once my children finished with their exams, I decided to take over .

I acknowledged two things –

(i) I am not naturally wired to be a driver & do have some weaknesses which could spell hazard on road;

(ii) but at the same time , it is possible to learn driving and fix those weaknesses to an extent, required for safe driving.

So, I decided to learn and immediately called up a driving school. Timings were very difficult for me – very early in the morning and in evenings, I had to go from office for night driving & come back to office again. I can still recollect the first time I had to drive on a busy road – all alone without the trainer by my side - so..o scary ! How relieved I felt after parking at the office ! While returning, it really took strong will power not to accede to everyone’s request to make the office driver sit beside while I drove back home. Of course, for two days, one of my colleagues followed me separately, while I drove back home .

So , this was also a story of victory of courage over fear – and the basic tenets of the approach are the same in every such story :

– acknowledge what is required to be done ,

– acknowledge if you fear doing that,

– believe that it is possible to learn higher skills in the domain of what you fear , and once you learn the skills, you will be better placed to face your fear ;

– collect information, gather knowledge and learn skills required in the field .

– Act - do what you wanted to, in spite of fear. Success will be only a matter of time.

I am sure, everyone’s life is full of such moments, when, inspite of fear, we take action, because it is worth it and in the process, grow stronger and wiser. I am reminded of what Ralph Waldo Emerson once said,

“ When a resolute young fellow steps up to the great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the beard, he is often surprised to find it comes off in his hand, and that it was only tied on to scare away the timid adventurers.”

Courage is shedding the habit of not shedding many things

Yes, one of the things that we normally do not think of shedding is a secure job !!

Well, I am not talking about today’s youngsters – who are job-hopping rather a little too frequently. They belong to another world with a different canvass as context. I am referring to our generation – the 40/45 plus, who usually relish the comfort of being settled down and somewhere along the line, tend to lose the appetite for venturing into an uncertain world to chase their life-goals.

I do not say that to be courageous, u must shed ( leave) a secure job, just for the heck of it . No, it is definitely not to suggest recklessness. The point that I would like to make is that there is a tendency among many of us just to keep on clutching to the current job, even if it is no longer giving u that kick and u are already in a position, where u can afford to take a call on other opportunities beckoning u or just to chase your dreams. Here comes, what I would call courage, courage to quit. Newer beginnings are possible only if we are ready to change the status quo – ready to come out of inertia. Yes, do a thorough analysis of your own situation to ensure that u have already put in place a fall back system to take care of your personal responsibilities (like self-sustenance / family responsibilities, which just can not be compromised) before u quit the known and start exploring the uncertain. Once u achieve this position, then all that u require for chasing your dreams is a drive to spread your wings with courage to soar against the wind, if that be so !!

By the way – right now I am also on my way to explore the uncertain – the first step already taken – quitting a secure job. Yeah – my fall back system for financial needs is ready. Feeling a little scared.. but excited . Isn’t that what courage ultimately is ? I am tempted to quote a few great personalities, from whose words, I have always drawn inspiration .

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.
- Ambrose Redmoon

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear.
- Mark Twain

Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway.
- John Wayne

Courageous people are still afraid, but they don't let the fear paralyze them.

- Steve pavlina

Education for Earning Vrs Education for Service

2009-04-01T17:17:00.002+05:30

01/04/2009

Education for Earning Vrs Education for Service

“Reform Orissa from Within”. “ Reform our country, our society, from within the system.”

Those are the words of Dr Kiran Bedi and she needs no introduction ! These words would have sounded hollow and hackneyed to me, had they come from any of the many mouths we know who utter such preachings, but do a precious little in their own lives!

Well, before I proceed, I need to give a brief introduction to the context.

Today will always remain a golden day for me.

Well, not because today happens to be the Utkal Divas ( the foundation day of the independent state of Orissa, my homeland), although that is good enough a reason to feel jovial about;

neither for the reason that today happens to be The All Fools’ Day ( although, by implication that makes the day dedicated to the kind of me – the ‘fools’ – the more you know, the more you come to realise how little you actually know !!).

It is because today I got to hear Dr Kiran Bedi in person !! Saw an ad in a newspaper this morning that she would be delivering a talk at KIIT University here on the topic “ Role of Women in the present scenario” and all are invited. My joy knew no bounds. It is a topic title that I find one of the most hackneyed, boring and useless topics. At times, it actually angers me – would anybody ever think of a topic, say, the role of men in the present scenario ? Anyway, the point of attraction was Dr Kiran Bedi , and not the topic. So, I rushed through my chores and actually arrived at the venue by 11.30 am. ( I said, actually, because, on some occasions earlier, I had felt like attending certain events like this – celebrities delivering talks or participating in symposiums, but finally did not – may be because those speakers never really drew me so strongly !! )

I have always held Dr Kiran Bedi in very high esteem ( and so do the people at large ) for the unwavering courage she has actually demonstrated by always walking her talk as an IPS officer ( the first lady IPS officer of India joined in 1972) PLUS the way she has made a difference through whichever assignment she has handled during her service career – be it reforms in Tihar jail, or traffic in New Delhi, or … or… . her contributions as a member on the Advisory Board to UN on peace etc… She has received a number of awards n public acclaims – Raman Magsaysay Award and many more. All along, it has been a war on injustice and she made her point once more, when she resigned from service when she thought she had been meted out injustice in her professional career. But what is significant to note is that even after resigning from service, she is engaged in doing a host of social service activities AND SHE CONTINUES TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE !!!

KIIT is one of the reputed technical institutes in the private sector in Orissa which has shot up to fame and ranking in the top slot among such institutes within a very short period – thanks to the visionary leadership of its founder, supported by an able team, of course.

Dr Bedi was invited by them for this talk and interaction.

Different as always, the moment she took to the mike, she declared that she is not in the habit of preparing a speech, and she always tries to ‘know’ and ‘feel’ her audience first and then decides what to speak and share. Here too, she said, she would share what she felt when she was getting to know about the institute during the last 2 hours of visit through the campus. Very candidly and without offense, she virtually dissmissed the topic ( the role of women in the present scenario), observing that once the women are educated, as they are today, they belong to the group of “educated” and share the same responsibilities towards the society and governance as the men. I was so glad – she did not disappoint me. Over the next one hour, she kept the audience spell-bound with her very forthright points, lively posture, humour and style of connecting to the audience !

In quintessence, the point she made is : Education must instill the values – especially courage, that would prompt the educated to serve and make a difference to the social fabric, to the people’s lives , to the nation. Let me narrate a bit of what and how she said it ( I can not quote her exactly within quote-unquote, because I was just a listener; so have tried to express what she said mostly in her words , added by mine to keep the essence in tact. )

Orissa is so rich in natural resources. But why is it lagging so behind in terms of economic progress for the people ? What is coming in between ?? Corruption and poor governance ! It is true for all other states in India . Corruption comes in the way of our progress, everyone knows that. But who is doing the corruption ? The literates or Illiterates ? The poor villagers or the rich urbanites ? The Educated or the Uneducated ? Who are at the helm of affairs everywhere – the educated or the uneducated ? At the end of the day, it is the educated who are responsible for corruption – for all the failings. So long as the bureaucracy is pliant, the corrupt politicians get their way. It is we, the educated, who get educated to earn only, not to serve and that is the chief culprit. We can make a difference, if we commit to service as the motto behind joining civil service or bureaucracy or all other white collar jobs. So long as that does not happen, reputed institutes will only go on adding to the bulk of educated corrupt and getting ranked at a high slot among the reputed institutes will have no real worth or meaning. Although she complimented the institute on its being ranked among the top-notch institutes of the country, she observed without any pretension that the parameters for ranking the reputed institutes should include one more parameter and that is : student-tracking , i.e. .what are the students who passed out of this institute doing currently and how exactly they have made a difference or served the humankind ?

She advised ( dared ! ) the Institute founder to act on this aspect by taking extra classes to build a special cadre of students who would like to go into services/bureaucracy with a motive to serve , not just to earn for themselves at any cost. Imbibe the values in the students that education is supposed to instill before they go out into careers. She was candid enough to say, if in 5 years from now, KIIT ians do not make any difference to Orissa and her people, there is no point in adding more number to the corrupt educated !! She said in a classic stroke of humour : “ Please call me again after 5 years ! ”

So, that’s it ! My day was certainly made. There was no time for answering audience queries. However, the only question that could come within the available time was regarding what to do as a voter when all the nominees fielded for election are corrupt or not worth getting voted. She explained that as a voter, each has ‘a right to no vote’ as per the Representation of People’s Act “. In such a situation ( which, indeed , is a situation now a days) , a voter should ask the Presiding Officer of the Vote booth to give her/him the specific form meant to record “no vote” with disclosure of your identity, of course. That will make public how many voters have totally rejected the entire lot of candidates fielded by various political parties and strong messages can be passed on..

[I am sure, that would be a grand revelation and the statistics can be of multiple use to awaken the people at large / political parties, or may even lead to further constitutional amendments, facilitating better candidates to choose from.]

All the while, I could not miss her politeness while taking courtesies extended or praises showered on her. A standing ovation, she deserved and she got !

Thank you Dr Bedi. After listening to you, I felt it my bounded duty to do whatever I can to spread this message, in which I, too, personally believe. Since I have a blog , I thought I should at least blog about it, so that your words of courage get spread and impact at least a few souls.

A silver lining in the darkest cloud

2009-03-23T16:54:00.002+05:30

A silver lining in the darkest cloud

Recently, some alert message on the road-dividers in my city caught my attention. It says :

“ Speed thrills, but kills .”

Nice way to keep reminding those trying to soar high while sitting on the steering wheel ! Although it is a common knowledge that excessive speed could be dangerous, such constant reminders are required, coz. speed thrills and one tends to get addicted to it. It takes a lot within to resist thrills before it becomes an addiction. Another question came to my mind : does any driver ever see these alerts while driving ? I doubt ! In fact, I also saw this only when I was walking down to the stadium for my morning walk.

So, the points are:

a. Most of the times, common knowledge is very uncommon, in the sense that everybody knows it, but does not internalise - believing that the prophecy, especially if it is bad, will somehow never come true for him/her. (S)he can get away !!

b. Unless a fellow has high self-discipline with internalised values and ethics, one tends to chase thrills one after another, and ultimately loses control. Consequences ? Anybody’s guess !

Reminded me of the recently uncovered Satyam fraud here in my own country ! And the Madoff fraud in US !

On the 12^th of March, 2009, Bernard Madoff ( an American businessman and former Chairman of NASDAQ stock exchange - the man, by now world -(in)famous for the largest investor fraud ever committed by a single person involving fabricated gains of about US $ 65 billion), pled guilty and admitted to defrauding thousands of investors through a massive Ponzi scheme, “a big lie” as he puts it.

In his court statement he confessed to what he did and how he did it and how he got away with it .

Here is an excerpt from his court statement,as published in the media, that caught my attention like never before and really got me thinking:

“ To the best of my recollection, my fraud began in the early 1990s. At that time, the country was in a recession and this posed a problem for investments in securities markets. Nevertheless, I had received investment commitments from certain institutional clients and understood that these clients , like all professional investors, expected to see their investments out-perform the market. While I never promised a specific rate of return to any client, I felt compelled to satisfy my clients’ expectations at any cost. I, therefore, claimed that I employed an investment strategy I had developed, called a “split strike conversion strategy”, to falsely give appearance to clients that I have achieved the results I believed they expected.”

Madoff stated that he wanted to satisfy the expectations of high returns by his clients in spite of economic recession. He admitted that he had never invested any of his clients’ money since the inception of the scheme. Instead, he simply deposited the money into his business account at Chase Manhattan Bank. He admitted to false trading activities masked by foreign transfers and false SEC returns. He used the Chase Manhattan Bank account to pay clients who requested withdrawals, claiming the “profits” were the results of his own unique “split strike conversion strategy”. He declared that he had every intention of resuming legitimate activities in his asset management division, but it proved “difficult, and ultimately impossible” to catch up to the paper profits. ( Sounds familiar ?? Only recently B. Ramalinga Raju of Satyam had also stated his intentions in a similar vein – the essence of which is : keep fooling the gullible lot with false results, siphon funds elsewhere, make good the losses when an opportune time comes before it is about to get uncovered and do something legitimate to convert the paper profits to actual profit. )

How can they forget that they can never escape their day of reckoning ultimately !!!

Now, read the excerpt again … and highlight whatever you feel is crucial to note. I am reproducing the excerpt with parts, which hit me the hardest, highlighted:

“ To the best of my recollection, my fraud began in the early 1990s. At that time, the country was in a recession and this posed a problem for investments in securities markets. Nevertheless, I had received investment commitments from certain institutional clients and understood that these clients, like all professional investors, expected to see their investments out-perform the market. While I never promised a specific rate of return to any client, I felt compelled to satisfy my clients’ expectations at any cost. I, therefore, claimed that I employed an investment strategy I had developed, called a “split strike conversion strategy”, to falsely give appearance to clients that I have achieved the results I believed they expected.”

I felt compelled to satisfy my clients’ expectations at any cost. This one sentence perhaps says it all !! And if we as a people can take our lessons from this one sentence, I think I will call that the silver lining in the darkest cloud. YES !!

Analyse this way:

He felt compelled - that is not the same thing as he was compelled . He was perhaps not compelled by anyone, but still he felt that compulsion because of what he thought his clients expected from him .. ( refer back to the excerpt…. and understood that these clients, like all professional investors, expected to see their investments out-perform the market .)

And what did he think his clients’ expectations were ? To have returns much higher than the market normally churns out !!! ( The why to this question is the most significant dimension that this whole episode throws up for reflection – I will come back to that, after I complete dissecting this one highlighted statement of Madoff. )

And what did he feel compelled about ? To satisfy his clients’ expectations at any cost. In any business, feeling compelled to satisfy the clients’expectations is perhaps the most needed driving force to stay in business and get ahead of competition – in fact so far so good . But at any cost ??????? The problem actually starts here and can end here if you believe in doing good business and delivering high returns going out-of-box for efficiency and innovation, and NOT for unethical practices, i.e. business at any cost. He created all this mess because he played his game , at any cost – took to fraudulent ways and showed fake results to please the investors despite the recession.

Now, coming to “ why”s .

Why he thought what he thought ?

And why he got away for such long years until he, himself realised that it is impossible to carry on with the fraud any longer and surrendered through his own sons ?

Yes, blame it on competition, but the reality is : there is a catch on both sides – the businessmen as well as the clients. If Madoff thought that his investors expected him to out-perform the market ( i.e. to deliver dazzling results, not commensurate with those possible through running reasonable n good ( read ethical ) business in the market ), then he is not entirely to blame. The majority in the business world in today’s dog-eat-dog competition feel this kind of client pressure. Competition has somehow become synonymous with reckless speed – speed in business, speed in delivery, speed in growth in volume of business, speed in growth in return/profit – the greater the speed at which you move to capture the market, the greater the thrill, the greater the market rewards you !! And who to blame ??

A good share of the blame, in my view, should go to all of us .

We as investors/capital providers/customers/consumers/ the beneficiary at the other end have started demanding miraculous results till we have alternative shops – all in the name of competition. We have got into a habit of a dialogue like this : Okay, if you can not give me enough, there are many others. We get excited when we receive very high returns on money invested/spent and never bother asto how it became possible for such miraculous results to happen!

[For example: How many potential customers for loans ask questions about the financier’s asset-liability management and net margin if they are offered a ridiculously low rate of interest on loans vis-à-vis higher interest rate on deposits? ]

It seems concerns about Madoff’s business had surfaced as early as in 1999, when Harry Markopolos, a financial analyst, informed the SEC that he felt that it was legally and mathematically impossible to achieve the gains Madoff claimed to deliver. Did anybody listen to that ?? Not until very recently in December, 2008, when the present global financial crisis created a rising demand for cash withdrawals by Madoff’s investors and he knew, he can not carry on with his fraud any longer! Obviously, had Markopolos’ whistleblowing caught the attention of the authorities and the till-then happy investors getting very high returns, so much more loss to thousands of clients could have been averted !

So, it is greed, greed and greed on part of both sides – stakeholders concerned only with high returns and businessmen to stay in business by satisfying stakeholders’ expectation at any cost . The age-old chicken n egg syndrome !!

This push by client expectations in a competitive marketplace is good only so long as it leads to qualitative improvements or innovations. But what happens when this ( satisfying client expectations at any cost ) is (mis)taken by the businessman as the sole survival strategy? It starts allowing space to deceit, game-playing, scheming, misrepresentation of facts, figure fudging, fabricated gains, fake results and mind-boggling frauds !! The jet-set speed of their own creation ( read, manipulations) creates such a need for more and more speed ( read, further manipulations) just to stay on course that eventually, it becomes unsustainable and crashes !! Yes, speed thrills, but kills.

The saddest part is : it is not one Satyam or one Madoff - there are many in their family, including corporates, who can not plead all clean when it comes to accounting and fact-sheets! So far as corporates are concerned, apart from market competition, other dynamics relating to trade-off between the short-term and long-term, reward, recognition, financial incentives, career progression etc. come into play and make the leadership as well as ranks within to “project” market-expected performance. Who knows when what will assume which proportion ?? As someone said, truth is only a resting point until the next revelation!!

But how can I not see the silver lining in the darkest cloud ?

Courtesy these filthy episodes, a fresh wave of awakening has dawned upon the entire world.

Let us stop being greedy and irrational when it comes to our expectations about our own gains as investors or consumers or other stakeholders !

Let us demand more transparency and probity in affairs of the business world!

Let us listen to alarms bells; let us ring alarm bells !

Let us start questioning !

Knowingly, let us not be a party to a foul game !!

Let us stay away from the seven sins , as described by Gandhiji as under :

Seven sins

Politics without Principles;

Wealth without Work;

Pleasure without Conscience;

Knowledge without Character;

Commerce without Morality ;

Science without Humanity;

Worship without Sacrifice .

- Gandhiji

[ I think, if these stinking episodes can remind all of us, the world over, to reflect and drive us to act in a zone, free of the seven sins, that would be much more than just a silver lining in the darkest cloud, I swear !!!! ]

H..O..P..E..

2009-03-12T16:07:00.002+05:30

HOPE

A 19yr old asked an 11 yr old : “ What is your goal in life ? ”

Pat came the reply from the latter, a cute smart boy : “ Oh ! to get admission into IIT .”

[ For those, who do not know what IIT stands for – it is Indian Institute of Technology – there are only a few of them and they are like the Jewels in the Crown of Mother India. It is believed that once you gain entry into an IIT somehow, your life is made (true if one goes by professional success the IITians have actually achieved from day one both nationally and internationally). It is the loftiest dream of most of the parents to have their kid in IIT and most of them have also seen to it that their child also sees the same dream ( alas !!). Children need to be exceptionally ‘bright’ in academics, scoring incredibly high in the qualifying exam( + 2) AND passing a really tough special Entrance Test to get into IITs, for which they start taking extremely rigorous coaching ( I really wonder, when these kids get to breathe… literally ? Class, coaching for usual course of 10^th/12^th, plus special coaching - I call it going through torture of the nth degree when you transcend all feelings and stop feeling the torture itself !! ]

So, back to the interesting conversation. The boy says that it is his goal to get into IIT . I just happened to be around there. The 19 yr old girl whispered to me : “ See!, how pathetic ! I asked him what is his “goal in life ”– that is, what would he like to become in life and he says getting into IIT. Is getting into IIT a goal in itself ? At the least, he could have said that he wants to become an Engineer ! How sad – parents these days are to blame – they only drill all this crap deep into the young minds – so deep that the children can not think clearly for themselves and just fall in line with the fad of the day !!” Incidentally, this girl is amongst those courageous few who have found their own calling on their own .

Well… I could not have agreed more on that. It is truly sad how the kids these days in our part of the world are being led to believe that “ the be all and end all ” of their lives is to gain admission into reputed institutes like IITs/ NITs/IIMs etc., understandably because gaining entry into these institutes would facilitate achieving their goal of becoming an engineer or management professional of top order. But the pity is, in their blind pursuit of joining the race, people fail to realise when some facilitating factor( getting admission to an Inst.) is turning into the goal itself ( becoming an engineer – although, I do not consider becoming an engineer can be anyone’s true goal in life ), thereby limiting all other wide possibilities of “ becoming” in life !! Very few are there who display the courage and true understanding as parents to encourage their kids to dance to a different drummer, if that be so required – to let the child discover her own true calling – to allow the child to decide if she would become just another face in the crowd or a face in the crowd !

Yes, I, too, felt sad to hear what the 11 yr old said. BUT … Guess what ! The next moment, I was inundated with a surge of happiness.

Hey, everything is not yet lost . There is still a lot of HOPE for this world of ours . Just think of what the 19 yr old remarked – how the 19yr old “thought” !!

Yes, if the 19 yr old could think with so much of clarity on “goal”, the difference between “ getting into IIT” and “ becoming an Engineer ” ; if the youth of her generation has started thinking with such discernment and meaningful insight, I am sure, in due course, these thinking minds will eventually know the difference between :

“ becoming an Engineer” and “ being able to Construct a Bridge ”

“ Constructing a Bridge” and “ being able to Connect geographical places”

“Connecting geographical places” and “being able to Connect people across geographical separation”

“ Connecting people and “being able to connect the hearts, minds and souls ”

It all boils down to knowing “what your goal is” and “ why you want that as your goal” (i.e. your ultimate purpose in life );

- above all, knowing the difference between the ecstacy of getting to the destination/goal ( connecting hearts, minds and souls )Vrs the joys n wonders of the journey itself ( getting into an IIT, becoming an Engineer, getting a fulfilling job, delivering value through projects and assignments that touch people’s lives !)

A lot of hope there , I swear ! Honestly, when we were 19 yrs old , we were never thoughtful and wise enough as today’s 19 yr olds !

Notwithstanding the negatives today, tomorrow will be really brighter and dazzling , and that’s what I truly believe.

LET HOPE permeate every life on this beautiful planet that we all live on !

Happiness

Optimism

Passion

Exploration

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

PAUSE AND PONDER : SL. 3

2009-02-21T08:48:00.001+05:30

PAUSE AND PONDER : 3

“There are some defeats more triumphant than victories .”

– Michel de Montaigne

SEQUEL TO PAUSE n PONDER 2

2009-02-16T08:45:00.003+05:30

Sequel to Pause and Ponder sl no. 2

Please visit my last post first AND the comments, for reference, if you have not yet visited that.

A few days back, I received by email from my dear friend Veera, an inspirational story, which I am sharing below. I am amazed to discover how candidly and succinctly this real life story exemplifies what John Wooden might have tried to convey when he said “ Do not let what you can not do interfere with what you can do “. In fact, my own interpretation also leans heavily on this line of thinking, that advocates building on your strength and not letting your weak zone keep you blind to your strengths or too depressed to work on what you can. Most certainly, it does not say that you should not try the uncertain – that would amount to shifting the real focus of the thought from “ what you can” to “ what you can not”. It just says, do not bother too much if you can not do a few things – you still are endowed with unlimited potential and extra-ordinary talent in some other fields – try & find those out, work on those and be all that you can be, be all that you are here for !! And yes, it is most important to realize that it is not arrogance about our talents but an attitude of gratitude, which will awaken us to our true potentials through difficult times.

I am extremely thankful to my on-line friends for having pondered over this and brought out the perspectives from various angles. ( Hey, I find this way of blogging very interesting and very enriching as we get to benefit mutually when so many minds open up on a particular thought with new perspectives, newer dimensions!! Great. Further, as I am virtually hopping around now from place to place, and do not have the time for detailed posts ( I must admit, I can not write at lightening speed like some of my blogger friends do like Daphne, Middleway, Lifemadegreat etc. ); so this way, at least my blog won’t die !! Hence this PnP series. )

The Patrick Henry Hughes Story
[ Credit : Veera, my dear friend & Source of the story : simpletruths.com]

[ “The date was July 16, 2008. It was late in the afternoon and I was sitting in my hotel room in Louisville, Kentucky. I was scheduled to speak that evening for the Kentucky Association of School Administrators (KASA). I was a little "down in the dumps." I hadn't gotten to exercise lately because of my traveling schedule and recently I'd experienced some mild bouts of vertigo (that inner ear condition that can cause the room to start spinning.) You got it...speaking and "spinning" are not good partners!My keynote presentation was scheduled for 7:00 PM, but I had been invited to show up at 6:00 to see a performance they said I'd enjoy. Little did I know that I was about to see something I would never forget.They introduced the young musician.
Welcome...Mr. Patrick Henry Hughes. He was rolled onto the stage in his wheelchair, and began to play the piano. His fingers danced across the keys as he made beautiful music. NEW RELEASE:He then began to sing as he played, and it was even more beautiful. For some reason, however, I knew that I was seeing something special. There was this aura about him that I really can't explain and the smile...his smile was magic!About ten minutes into Patrick's performance, someone came on the stage and said..."I'd like to share a 7-minute video titled, The Patrick Henry Hughes story." And the lights went dim.Patrick Henry Hughes was born with no eyes, and a tightening of the joints which left him crippled for life. However, as a child, he was fitted with artificial eyes and placed in a wheelchair. Before his first birthday, he discovered the piano. His mom said, "I could hit any note on the piano, and within one or two tries, he'd get it." By his second birthday, he was playing requests (You Are My Sunshine, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star). His father was ecstatic. "We might not play baseball, but we can play music together."Today, Patrick is a junior at the University of Louisville. His father attends classes with him and he's made nearly all A's, with the exception of 3 B's He's also a part of the 214 member marching band. You read it right...the marching band! He's a blind, wheelchair-bound trumpet player; and he and his father do it together. They attend all the band practices and the half-time performance in front of thousands. His father rolls and rotates his son around the field to the cheers of Patrick's fans. In order to attend Patrick's classes and every band practice, his father works the graveyard shift at UPS. Patrick said..."My dad's my hero."But even more than his unbelievable musical talent, it was Patrick's "attitude of gratitude" that touched my soul. On stage, between songs, he would talk to the audience about his life and about how blessed he was. He said, "God made me blind and unable to walk. BIG DEAL! He gave me the ability...the musical gifts I have...the great opportunity to meet new people." When his performance was over, Patrick and his father were on the stage together. The crowd rose to their feet and cheered for over five minutes. It gave me giant goose bumps!My life was ready to meet Patrick Henry Hughes. I needed a hero, and I found one for the ages. If I live to be a hundred, I'll never forget that night, that smile, that music, but most importantly, that wonderful "attitude of gratitude."I returned to Chicago and shared Patrick's story with my wife, my friends, and our team at Simple Truths. About two weeks later, I received a letter from a friend. He said, "Mac, I don't know who said it, but I think you'll love this quote." "Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...it's about learning how to dance in the rain!"I thought...that's it! We all face adversity in our life. However, it's not the adversity, but how we react to it that will determine the joy and happiness in our life. During tough times, do we spend too much time feeling sorry for ourselves, or, can we, with gratitude...learn how to dance in the rain?It almost sounds too simple to feel important, but one word...gratitude, can change your attitude, thus, your life, forever. Sarah Breathnack said it best..."When we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives but are grateful for the abundance that's present....we experience heaven on earth." ]

That’s it - do not focus too much on what is missing , what you are weak in, what you can not do …. ; Count your blessings, be grateful for what you have, what you are naturally talented in, what you can do … and give your best.

I strongly feel that if we get these perspectives clear - especially the younger generation in their formative stage- much of human despair and suffering can get converted to creative and constructive action. I love visualizing that world !!

PAUSE AND PONDER : sl. No. 2

2009-02-05T23:58:00.001+05:30

PAUSE n PONDER

“ Do not let what you can not do interfere with what you can do . ”

John Wooden

Powerful thought , huh ??

What is your take on this ????

How often we waste our precious time, energy and resources on “fixing” or “ trying to prove otherwise” what we can not do , or to put it a little simpler, what we are naturally not wired for, in utter neglect of what we can, what we are naturally wired for ! Of course, that does not mean at all that we should be quick in quitting certain things assuming that we can not do this or do that . No, at times, we just know intuitively that we have a flair for doing certain things as against certain other things that we simply can not do to our satisfaction. And at other times, despite best of conscious & conscientious efforts, things just don’t work out giving enough indication that it’s not our cup of tea ; as against certain other things, that just come naturally to us and give us an “aha” feeling while doing them. Consciously watching out for these defining moments would have us gain insight into our true strengths and natural talents to build further on them and live a life of fulfilment. Focusing too much on our weaknesses would result in wasted opportunities for growth in our areas of strength. Wise people do not let that happen.

PAUSE N PONDER

2009-01-27T15:22:00.000+05:30

Pause and Ponder
“You do not know who you are, until you encounter who you are not.”
( Sorry, can not give the credit as do not remember who exactly said it. )

I am deliberately withholding my own elaboration/interpretations for a reason.
I am sure, these words would have definitely created a lot of thought bubbles in your mind, if you have read so far.
PLEASE SHARE as comments .

OF BUMBLE BEES AND ELEPHANTS

2009-01-02T15:34:00.002+05:30

Oh, that is a picture of the chocolates I had got for this New Year’s day. Just loved the funny bumble bee like wrappers with wings. Later at home, when I had a second look at these cute looking pieces, my mind started taking off ….

YES, there is a great message that bumble bees carry for all of us !

A bumble bee can fly (defying all laws of science as per which it should never be able to fly even an inch up) because it does not know that it can not fly . Forget about the fact that it’s flying capacity is very limited … just a little up the ground; but the fact remains that it flies !!

Contrast this with an elephant standing where it is with just a rope tied to a small little wooden pole, that it can very easily uproot and break free.

Forget about uprooting the pole and walking away, the elephant does not even try to pull out the pole because it knows (from past conditioning from childhood) that it can not do that. How ??

Elephants when they are very young are trained by their mahouts to stay at one place by tying them with thick ropes / iron chains to heavy beams or tree trunks. When the young elephant pulls to break free, it fails as it obviously can not move something like a big tree or a beam; soon it gets tired and gives up. Over a period of time, the mahout plays this trick using smaller trees and weaker poles and the elephant eventually believes that its attempts to pull out the pole will always fail. It merely gives up and stops even trying to break free whenever tied thereafter, irrespective of the size of the pole or chain.

Something similar happens with we human beings, too. People, who at tender age are too much protected or trained about what is possible and what is not, usually end up playing too safe as grown-ups, unwilling even to try out many of their goals and aspirations, as they somehow know that they can not ! Even at times, lessons we learn in our formal education which teach what can be done and what can not be done draw boundaries to our creativity and imagination. I wonder, would Thomas Edison have invented so many things , had he gone through the routine brainwashings of formal academics!! Well, not to suggest that education is bad – rather, each must appreciate what true education is . And to me, true education releases our ability to analyse, comprehend, put things to perspective and the infinite ability of one’s mind to open up beyond what has been taught .

Now coming back to my chocolates … err.. bumble bees …it occurs to me that, at times, it is much better not to know about your limitations … so that you do not limit what you can.

You limit what you can, if you think you know what you can not. Knowledge is power, no doubt about that. But do avoid this trap of knowledge !!

So, what would you like to be ?

A bumble bee

A tied big elephant ( putting to shame all its might and intelligence ) staying tied to a weak pole

A big elephant courageously ripping up the chains that are holding it down and

marching on into its own jungle of freedom !!

An advertisement by Nike reads as follows :

“All your life you are told the things you cannot do. All your life they will say you’re not good enough or strong enough or talented enough; they will say you’re the wrong height or the wrong weight or the wrong type to play this or be this or achieve this. THEY WILL TELL YOU NO, a thousand times no, until all the no’s become meaningless. All your life they will tell you no, quite firmly and very quickly. AND YOU WILL TELL THEM - YES.”

Everytime I read this ad, I feel a surge of renewed vigour and belief in myself. And now these bumble bee chocolates !!

THE NEW DAWN

2009-01-01T12:45:00.004+05:30

The New Dawn

Today, early in the morning on the 1^st day of a new calendar year, as I was having my walk, deeply savouring the freshness of the cool morning breeze, suddenly I started feeling really bad …. I missed my children and other family members ! Today was precisely after 26 years that I am all alone on a New Year !

On return, the first thing I was drawn towards was the albums. S.o.o wonderful just to flip through the photographs ( thanks to the Inventors of camera and photographs !!!!!) – especially the ones capturing the childhood of your children, yourself and other loved ones.

This one kept me spell bound for quite some time ( felt like eternity ). Aroused so many different kinds of emotions and thoughts! Children !! My God, how they love to wear the spectacles of the elders ! Then some thought came vividly to my mind, which is:

There are basically two sides to a person who achieves success and happiness in life - just like the twin sides of the same coin; :

1^st - S/he always keeps the child in her/him alive.

2^nd - S/he never stops growing .

For sometime now, I have been obssessed with reflecting on the qualities and human traits that successful persons/leaders, in general, display. A lot, in fact, l…o…t has been written and said about leadership qualities. They are all correct and relevant. I was just trying to categorise the important ones of them into the least possible number of “ bundles”. Look at a child and his natural dispositions and look at someone who is always “growing” consciously – merge the two and you have a recipe for unfailing leadership,success and happiness.

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO THE WHOLE WORLD !!

LET THIS BE THE YEAR OF REDISCOVERING THE CHILD IN YOUR ADULTHOOD & THE ADULT IN THE CHILD IN YOU !!

THIS WORLD IS GREAT !!!!!!!!!!!

2008-12-27T12:09:00.002+05:30

( Photo Credit : Internet )

YES, my takeback from the year just going to end is :

This world is great, if you do not expect anything and just do things with passion for the pure pleasure of doing them without harming any soul !!

A while back, I started sending sms to a whole lot of my friends my new year wishes for them , and truly, I felt splendid.

So, here I wish all my known n unknown online friends who drop by my blog :

May the New Year usher in a whole lot of newer opportunities and newer horizons to explore for fulfilling all your dreams in days to come !

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2009 TO YOU N YOUR LOVED ONES !!!

ENJOY !!

Empathy..... in action

2008-12-13T15:21:00.003+05:30

EMPATHY .... in action !!

One of these days, as I was about to drink water from a bottle ( the white one in the picture) and lifted it up holding the bottle at the grip curved out ( observe the curved shaped bottle again ... you will understand what I am referring to ), a powerful thought came to me in a flash. Is it not an excellent example of “empathy” on part of the manufacturer of the bottle?

Yes, it was originally a soft drink bottle of a particular brand – having a capacity of 1.5 ltrs ... quite heavy when full, but still very covenient to use with the shape of the bottle specially curved at the right place to facilitate grip of the person holding the bottle. Not only that, there are also some dot-like things on the surface of the curve to make the surface coarse and thus build more friction while holding so as to prevent the bottle from slipping off your hand. Simply put, the bottle is pretty user-friendly.

Contrast this bottle with the older versions of the similar type of bottles minus the grip-curve. If you have ever tried to drink straight from a 1.5 ltr bottle full with soft drink or water and straight from the refrigerator ( i.e. with water vapours on the exterior of the bottle), then you would recall how slippery and inconvenient it used to be. Look at the blue bottle in the picture, without any curve and imagine it as big as the white one and you would be able to appreciate the contrast [ Sorry, could not find a bigger bottle for the pic].

In my opinion, it takes a lot of empathy to proactively build this kind of user-friendliness into products through small, small, apparently insignificant innovations in design, shape, size etc.. In a business context, even if these changes are done after evaluating customer suggestions/market feedback, that would still amount to being empathetic – as apart from having openness to feedback; you require an understanding of the perspectives of others from their suggestions and that is also empathy. What I would emphasise, though, in empathy is the proactiveness, the ability to anticipate the requirements of the end-users, the ability to "put oneself into another's shoes", or in some way experience the outlook or emotions of another being within oneself.

Reminds me of something my father used to do.

At our home in our native place, the civic bodies are not so efficient about garbage clearance. Result ? Most of the times, residents pile up the garbage on the roadside from where the municipal carriers are supposed to pick them up – but by the time they arrive in the morning, half the garbage ( the green garbage – skins and peels of vegetables and fruits, left-overs of food etc. ) somehow get “ cleaned” when stray cows/animals eat them up from the roadside. You like it or not – this is a daily affair. So, what my father used to ensure was to have separate dustbins for green garbage into which no one was allowed to dump anything plastic, metal , cotton, or toxic.. so to say, anything that can inadvertently choke or harm an animal while feasting on the garbage !! Early in the morning, he would personally empty those bins and I have observed often, immediately some cow or ox would come running to feast on that .

So, what was it that used to drive my father to take so much care even in handling garbage - apparently a silly affair for many ? Tell me honestly, how many of us do that, or ever have thought about doing that ? Just to protect the stray animals ?? I think, it was his empathy for others – be them animals !! Well, I may add, perhaps it was lot of empathy mixed with a lot of sympathy. He must have first thought from the standpoint of a stray animal, who would be tempted to eat from the garbage, but would have no ability to discern and segregate the uneatables from the eatables . Simultaneously, he must have visualised the sufferings of the animal if anything dangerous like plastic bag etc. gets stuck in its throat – and exclaimed: poor animal !! That is compassion, sympathy or empathetic concern ( as distinct from empathy, in which you need not have compassion or pity ).

It is possible to be empathetic and sympathetic at the same time, though in many situations in real life, it is empathy which is the required thing more than sympathy . As someone rightly said: Give a man a fish a day .. you will feed him daily ( sympathy): Teach him how to fish, he will feed himself a lifetime without looking upto your favour ( empathy). That is, it is not charity ( driven by sympathy) but equipping the underprivileged and creating growth opportunities for them, wherein lies the essence.

Like to share another anecdote, I had read somewhere long time back, and just remember the essence. It is an excellent example of what empathy in practice means … or rather lack of empathy means.

Long story cut short, it goes like this. A Chief of an Army division once felt for the soldiers out in the front, spending their best part of life in bunkers without proper food, drink and other basic amenities. He thought, he should do something to cheer them up .... does not matter even if for a short while. He decided to send them icecream .. to be served in bunkers !! Well, the orders were carried out and one fine day, the soldiers were excited to find a consignment said to contain icecream reaching them in the bunkers. Excited, as they started serving the icecream, they realised that something was wrong .... the entire lot had melted on the way, and there were no spoons or other aids to eat the icecream with !! What thoughts are crossing your mind right now after reading this story ? To me, it is a classic example of lack of empathy !! The chief only thought of his part of the act ... sending the icecream...perhaps more with an unconscious desire to prove his magnanimity before himself ( oh! pat, pat ... I am so concerned about the joy of my boys out there !!) withouit really thinking about the end-users; how the soldiers would eventually receive and enjoy it. Had he put himself in the shoes of the soldiers in the bunkers, he would have ensured that icecream was delivered as such ( not as some melted semi-liquid) and he would have ensured spoons to serve and eat the icecream with. What was the purpose after all ? Sending icecream or pleasure of the soldiers in bunkers emanating out of eating ice cream ?

Usually, many of the so-called initiatives taken in personal as well as professional life fall flat as those are taken without any empathy – any genuine effort to understand what the others need or want in a specific situation. If you are an empathetic person, you would not be tempted to persuade another person to do what you want; instead you would understand what the other person wants, what the other person needs and then try help him to achieve it. How often do we tend to diagnose and give advice even before listening in a communication ? When that happens, it is a sure shot case of lack of empathy .

Another happening coming to my mind. A few months back, we had been to Lord Jagannath Temple during the daytime when the sun was pretty high and the steps were very hot. As you have to walk bare-foot inside the precincts of the temple, it could have been really horrible, but for the fact that there was arrangement for water pipes continuously watering the steps !! What relief to the devotees visiting the temple in high sun !! I had never observed this practice earlier. Must have been introduced recently by some empathetic soul related to temple administration !!

Empathy is the ability to mutually experience the thoughts, emotions, and direct experience of others without them being directly communicated intentionally. Out of such empathy emerges small initiatives leading to great impacts !!

Empathy can also be better appreciated as distinct from sympathy, although these two terms are, more often than not, being similarly used. They are not the same.

It is possible to be empathetic and not sympathetic at the same time. For example: If poverty and extreme adverse circumstances drives a poor man to commit a murder and he gets caught, you may feel empathetic and try to analyze the reason for his so doing; but you will not be sympathetic towards him as murder is a henious act and nothing justifies it.

It is also possible to be both empathetic and sympathetic at the same time. For example, if I have just lost a dear one to a fatal disease, you may sympathise with me for the loss and at the same time, you may also empathise with how aggrieved and sad I must be feeling at the loss of a dear one.

Merriam Webster defines as under :

Empathy: the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner

Sympathy: an affinity, association, or relationship between persons or things wherein whatever affects one similarly affects the other b: mutual or parallel susceptibility or a condition brought about by it c: unity or harmony in action or effect.

As I understand, the difference between the two concepts is :

If you are depressed and as I talk to you, I also start having those feelings and feel depressed, I am having sympathy for you and this may place me in a depressed mood in which I may lose my ability to help you overcome the situation. But if on the other hand, as I talk to you, I don’t feel what you are feeling , but say, I can relate your feelings to something I had felt in a similar situation, I can say I can empathise with you. I can understand that you are depressed and I am still in a position to help you deal with the depressed state by additional feedback or just empathic listening.

Step back... and reflect on many of the daily routine interactions that you have in your professional life, you will be amazed to realise, what wonders can happen to our performance if only we put a bit of empathy into our dealings with our own colleagues and our customers... if only we first seek to understand and then try to be understood ( credit :Steven Covey) !!

I do not know if I have got it correct or not . Like to have your views, if you differ.

GET A PAIR OF WALKING SHOES

2008-12-06T20:00:00.002+05:30

SERIOUS ABOUT MORNING WALK ?? FIRST, GET A PAIR OF WALKING SHOES !

( Always ensure first the basic facilitating conditions to ensure result)

Morning Walk …. Such a simple thing to do; so..o.. many people do it regularly ; such a known-to-be beneficial and often-recommended health tip !!

I am ashamed to confess, it has taken me so..o..o very long to give it a start.

Not because I did not know the benefits.

Not because I did not know I personally require it, if not for anything else, just to address my overweight !

Not because I did not actually have the time. ( Although, that was the excuse I had been giving myself all these years in the name of my more important morning chores I had to finish before I left for office everyday … and as I said, it was just an excuse.)

But I guess, because

I never was serious enough.

And I never had purchased myself a pair of walking shoes !!

Perhaps, I should even reverse the order and make “not having a pair of walking shoes”the first reason. Had I bought me the walking shoes earlier, I might have been interested to just try out, even when I was not very serious enough and finding its early signs of benefit, I might have become serious about it.

Lost opportunity … for me. At least, I have started it now. But I want to share it with the lazy-heads like me, who are yet to start morning walking, so that at least you do not lose the opportunity of reaping the benefits of this wonderful, yet simple habit, before it is too late ( well, remember, it is never too late to try anything good till we die !!)

It happened like this: for the recent Europe Tour, I had purchased this pair of walking shoes as per the instruction given in the travel manual … AND thank god, I complied with the instruction. It was absolutely required as most part of the touring & sight-seeing was by walking and I shudder to think of having to walk so much in high heels !!

And YES ! I loved walking in these shoes – felt so light-footed, without any strain and it most certainly made me feel very nice and energetic ( despite the fact that we were hardly eating much. Wait a sec… was it because we ate so little? Ha, ha - in India, we all are such foodies. Of course, climate does a bit of mischief here – one feels hungry. There in Europe, it was such lovely cool ( not bone-chilling) climate that you do not feel hungry for hours after having just one sandwich !! When we returned home, I was virtually amazed at what I discovered ! I had lost some weight ( never happened earlier despite my hectic schedule and a few attempts at yoga ).

So, I was resolute enough this time … I must make it a HABIT to have morning walk. This time, I had no excuses … no hurry to go anywhere, I have the walking shoes ( on earlier occasions when I had tried walking with my regular slippers on, I found it truly hurting and inconvenient .) , and this time, I am very very serious to shape up a bit (this is one of my “goals” on my personal mission statement prepared immediately after I left my job). It all helped … I am having morning walk now-a-days regularly and can feel the positive impact.

So.. the point is : even if I was serious about walking, I was actually not doing this earlier, as I had not ensured the basic facilitating tool for that – a pair of walking shoes. Appears such a small issue – but has such a fundamental implication .

Many a time, I used to wonder, if morning walk is all that simple (… all that you need to do is, open your door, step out, and start walking. …..), then why there are so many ( like I used to be ) who would just wish to do it but end up procastinating ???

No, it is not all that simple, as it involves getting up early and that requires a lot of motivation, you admit it or not – and especially when you have such a packed schedule everyday that you get to go to bed late at night. Most of us in today’s world have this kind of a daily schedule and given a chance, we would rather steal those few more minutes of sleep early in the morning, than wake up, put on the shoes and step out to walk. It becomes easy only when we have strong motivation to start, the facilitaing conditions, feel the benefits ourselves and let this become a habit.

Let me try helping you form this invaluable habit, if not formed already !

DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH MOTIVATION ?? JUST GO THROUGH THE FOLLOWING brief account of all the amazing benefits that accrue from brisk walking .. as the doctors say:

ü right-sizes your body ( the only tangible abode where your spirit resides ) ; particularly when you are overweight.

Just think, 1 pound of fat = 3500 calories and 1 kg fat = 2.2 pound fat = 7700 calories. To lose one KG weight, you need to burn extra 7700 calories energy with the present calorie intake and activity level !! When we walk, our body burns stored fat and supplies the required energy to our exercising muscles – perhaps the easiest way to burn extra fat !! Experts say, roughly 240 calories get expended if a 60KG weight person walks 5 KM a day so that per month roughly 7200 calories can be expended through walking.

ü builds Cardio Respiratory fitness

Walking helps in maintaining an optimum capacity of your circulatory and respiratory systems to supply oxygen and other nutrients to the various muscles and body organs, which in turn provide protection against many heart ailments we are so familiar with and reduces risk of heart stroke.

ü reduces Blood Pressure

Regular brisk walking for just about 30 minutes a day amounts to aerobic physical activity that can reduce blood pressure by 4 to 9mm Hg.

ü prevents diabetes in normal persons and pre-diabetic individuals and controls diabetes in diabetes patients, as regular walking increases insulin sensitivity.

ü de-stresses by releasing the neuro transmitters endorphins which produce relaxation and remove pain.

ü promotes good sleep

ü Improves lipid profile – increases hdl ( good) cholesterol and decreases ldl ( bad) cholesterol as well as total cholesterol even in the absence of any significant weight reduction.

ü Assists in making bones stronger and helps in protecting against osteoporosis ( a disease of low bone mass leading to fragility & increased susceptibility to fractures.) Muscles and bones are living tissues that respond to exercise like walking.

ü Reduces risk of colon cancer, breast cancer and endometrium cancer

ü Delays aging – age related decrease in skeletal muscle mass ; helps look younger

ü Enhances brain power .

“ If you are seeking creative ideas, go out walking. Angels whisper to a

man when he goes for a walk.” So said Raymond Inmon.

“ All truly great thoughts are conceived while walking.”

Friedrich Nietzsche

I have personally felt this very very strongly, ever since I have started taking walk early in the morning on my terrace, deeply enjoying the fresh air, the chirping birds, the holy bells ringing at temples, the morning sun rising with all its crimson grandeur, the tall,green trees, … and the free flow of ideas, some of them coming in flashes from nowhere!! This article is also the result of that .

There is a scientific reason to this, as I learnt now. Walking releases endorphins, sometimes called as natural happy chemicals, which reduces pain, improves mood and relieves depression. It also stimulates the brain to increase the production of neurotransmitter, serotonin, which promotes feeling of well-being. Walking increases blood flow to brain and increases thinking ability.

[Credit for the above medically tested information : Dr S .Velumani & Dr V.Jeyalakshmi. In fact, since you have read so far, I would reward you by sharing that these two doctors have jointly authored a book titled “Walking” which is an amazing book dealing with this topic very comprehensively with lots of practical tips on how to go about it. A must-read by all non-medicos !! ]

Experts say, the human foot is an anatomical complex engineering project, involving 26 bones united together with 107 ligaments nd 32 muscles with 37 intervening joints. And no other foot among the millions of species in this planet has ever been designed with such precision as the human foot. The simple act of walking involves half of all the body’s 650 muscles and tendons; upright walking requires hundreds of adaptations throughout the body from bottom to top. No wonder, walking is considered to be a near-perfect exercise !

So.o..o?? Have I succeeded in waking you up, my lazy friends ?

Let me assure you – it does not take more than 7 days to form this habit and once it becomes a habit, the rest just keeps on happening… so not that difficult either . Just make up your mind .

Yeah, besides the walking shoes, you may be required to ensure a couple of other facilitating factors : like what to wear and where to go . Keep these two things convenient for you so that you do not find excuses in them to discontinue walking. For example, I have chosen my terrace ( it has enough stretch that allows me to build up the required speed/pace ) instead of a near-by stadium because I save a lot of time and I don’t have to care how I dress up. For dress, I just slip into salwar-kameez , does not matter even if crumpled, I don’t have to do my hair or bother about meeting people.

REMEMBER… but for the human feet, we would be swinging from one tree to another. Let us use them for the purpose they are designed … get going … start walking, if you have not yet !!!

I HAVE BEEN TAGGED ...

2008-11-28T16:26:00.001+05:30

28/11/2008

I have been tagged by Daphne, joyfuldays.com, and am supposed to reveal 6 things about me which the readers might not be aware of ; PLUS tag 6 other bloggers !! That’s fun ( and awkward, too .)

Oh, Daphne, that’s so..o.. sweet of you . Thanks and thanks a ton for including mine amongst your favourite blogs. Only thing that upsets me right now is that I am currently highly destabilised due to a score of things to be taken care of on the family front and that’s why, I am just stealing some time to read, rather than write for blogposts. Wish, could maintain some regularity in postings on my blog like you and other bloggers ! Anyway, I won’t beat myself up for this, as I had promised to myself after taking voluntary retirement that now on I will pursue my passions on my terms, as per my convenience.

Now, coming to 6 things about me... ! My earnest appeal to readers to please, please forget and forgive me for this insane act of BORING OTHERS . This is just to respect the wishes of someone I have started liking so much ... Daphne.

1. I love singing and know that I have a voice quality comparable to that of any of the top, highly successful, professional singers . ( AUDACITY ? ) . I sing ( in my kitchen & bathroom , alas !) thousands of songs from very old to contemporary movies, from bhajans ( invocations to God) to cabaret numbers – virtually, anything that appeals to my ears or soul. But I have not learnt classical or any other form of music till now . ( I have NOT yet struck off from my list of TO DOs “learn classical music ” before I say bye to this world !! Can someone help me get a music teacher ?)
As a child, I had this irrational fear that I can not excel in more than one thing and so, virtually resisted formal training in vocal music, lest I end up doing badly in my academics ( Yeah.. I was one of those so called bright students, you know – in my days, Ha, Ha. – and did not want to bargain that tag for anything else – what a mess-up I did !)

2. Till almost the end of my school days, I wanted to become a Lawyer ( and fight injustice like a hero...in – my father was originally a lawyer, shifted to state administrative service after a few years of practice as, with his values, he could not earn enough, it seems ). In fact, most of my notebooks and books carried my name tag as “ Snigdha Mohanty, Bar-at-Law, London ” . But when the actual moment for decision came after the HSC exam – I was swift enough to understand that law was not my cup of tea ( perhaps, it was just a fad and I was not really desiring it intensely !!) . I had a new fad .. Economics ...that too aiming at PG from the best college in my country (Delhi School of Eco) and I joined Arts. Yes, I did manage to do my PG from DSE .

[ Guess what.... my daughter is now doing Law from the best institute in my country – NLS Bangalore . There must have been some intensity in my childhood desire, I guess.]

3. As a child, I was extremely shy and used to keep my face covered with both my palms ( leaving a little gap in between my fingers so that I could see the others , but they could not see my face ) while appearing before guests at home. You know, I used to dread whenever some relative or guest visited our home – my mother would definitely ask me swe..e..t.ly to sing for them and the moment I would be asked to sing .. something would make me feel gagged ... my voice would just not come out !!
I really really used to hate my mom for that at those moments . Now, after I became a mom myself, I realise, how elevated a mom feels when others praise her children’s talent. Sorry, Mother . [ I myself have committed that crime a few times when my daughters were very small. But, of course, taking cue from my own experience, I have later tried to desist from asking my daughters to sing or dance before guests visiting our home.]

4. Even in college, I was too shy and hardly spoke to people, barring a very few close friends. Fast forward 25 years , and my ex-colleagues from Bank would exclaim with disbelief ... to hear that ! I changed dramatically within two years of joining the bank as I started interacting with lots and lots of people in course of usual business and did not realise when I really started enjoying relating to people !! I talk so much now that since last 2 years, I have developed Voice Box problem, sad. Just imagine, among my life-goals to be pursued now , two most important things are : 1st,becoming a guest lecturer in various colleges/institutes to share whatever insights I have gathered on self & leadership development over the years and 2nd,using my singing talent for raising funds for charitable causes . And this voice box problem !! Anyway, I will deal with it .

5. I am very short in height and was very thin ONCE UPON A TIME ( 25 yrs back !!!). Then I grew fat and almost had a complex about my physical presence whenever I used to see tall, smart, elegant looking women executives in commanding positions.... till I actually got important and challenging assignments and I knew ... what people see is not what you look like, but what mettle you have inside. So..o reassuring !!

6. I ridiculously fail at “ being brief” !!! Need any more proof ? And that makes me a dumbo as I lack brevity-the “soul of wit” . Thanks for wasting so much time in reading what a dumbo like me has to say about myself.

Now, coming to tagging 6 other bloggers – as per the rule of this fun game , please pardon me this time for breaking the rule !! I will take some more time for that .

EXIT... WE ALL WILL

2008-11-15T19:05:00.001+05:30

EXIT .........WE ALL WILL

Each of us will exit this world one day .........! This is known to each of us. Still, how many of us really get prepared for this and plan the way she/he would like to exit ? How many of us give it a deep thinking and decide upon the exact way we would like our last rites to be done and remains/memory to be preserved and exclaim, “ Yeah ! that’s the way to go to my afterlife .”

Well, the manner, place or time of exit is definitely not known to us in advance – but we do know the general pattern of “ last rites”, that our society has prescribed to be performed by our loved ones, ostensibly for the twin purpose of ensuring that our departed soul rests in peace and on the other hand, it helps the grief-stricken bear the loss in the company of so many others. I was just reflecting.. Do I really want it that way ? If I believe that my life, when I am alive, is/should be of my choice, then how come, so calmly, I surrender myself to the priests and brahmins and the social customs, when it comes to the way I go out? Is it just a simple logic that since I have no say over the way I come to this world, I can not have any say over what happens to me after I go out of this world . No, I do not buy this , Sorry !

Of course, one pertinent dimension of the issue could be that the last rites are actually meant not for the departed – but for the bereaved - for helping the near and dear ones come out of the grief of bereavement and facilitating restoration of normalcy by getting them busy with the thousand and one things to be done as per the religious/social customs. May be, at one stage of evolution of our society, this was relevant and required. But why should we follow that now when the frame and context have changed so widely without ever giving it a serious thinking ?

Let me clarify a bit more please. I have no intention of waging any battle against customs or rebelling. Fine, if you want your exit to be observed as per the age-old social customs – it is your choice and must be respected by your surviving family members. My only submission is : what prevents us from going a little out of box and thinking about creative, yet less burden-some, alternatives to traditional funerals for ourselves? Thinking something new about turning these tragedies into more intimate and fonder remembrances, without turning these into burdens on the very people we loved so much and did everything during our lifetime to give them joy and happiness ? Thinking a bit about ourselves too in the sense that we too would love to be remembered/memorialised in a particular preferred way ?

Only a few days back ( mourning is still on ), I have lost my brother to cancer at an early age. He was staying abroad and had such a brave and out-of-the-world positive spirit that he lived ( by every sense of the term) till his last. He never actually made us realise how much pain he must be going through !! Always caring for others and concerned about others – taking all the pains to make your visit memorable if you happened to have visited him, always smiling and going about life as if nothing is serious except that he has to be on medication and a different diet on a continuous basis . Early this year, I had lost my father. About a month back, I lost my mother-in-law. Both had lived their lives well and long enough. But this sudden ( we knew it would come anytime, but never expected so soon ) & premature passing away of my brother brought me so close to “death” [- or, is it simply a passage to another innings in the lifecycle ?] that I could not but pause... and reflect deeply on this moment called “death”, which eventually comes in everyone’s life ... a guest expected most certainly but never awaited with advance planning for welcome !!!

So...... I started seriously thinking about it ... and also have gone through whatever I could lay my hand( and eyes) upon for a bit of research. And I am amazed at my findings from different sources about the plethora of creative alternatives to traditional funerals, that some people( ahead of their time !) across the globe have already chosen for their exit fanfare and the numerous ways the family members have kept the memories of their departed loved ones. I would highly recommend that you read a book “ Exit Strategy- Thinking Out of Box” by Michelle Cromer. I had stumbled upon this amazingly different kind of book recently while sifting through heaps of second-hand books at Fountain area in Mumbai and had picked it up – attracted by its title. Now I know from this book that there are so many others who are serious about exercising own option in matters of last rites like me and not only that, have already tried out so many newer ways – turning this milestone in life to nothing less than a celebration as one enters one’s afterlife !! Undoubtedly, there are two unmatched milestones in each one’s life – one, when you are born and another when you die and both deserve special celebration .

How would you like to stay with your loved ones after death ?

Let me share some of the a-traditional ways in which your CREMAINS ( ashes/ remains after cremation of the body) can be preserved for intimate remembrance by your loved ones :

i. Get your ashes planted under beautiful rose-bushes in the family garden ( any flower plant that you love ) – and spread the heavenly fragrance in the air that your loved ones breathe .

ii. Get sifted into the roots of a tree – like a banyan tree, oak tree or maple tree and live for hundreds of years as a memorial tree, to which your loved ones can visit once in a while.

iii. Get your ashes mixed with Potter’s clay and turn into any decorative piece of pottery or clay animal/bird/object of your choice – which your loved ones can preserve as memento.

iv. Get yourself spread over any natural place you love – like sea, mountain, forest, river etc. – by having your ashes scattered aerially over the place.

v. Get your ashes blown into glass for handblown glasswork and turn into a marvellous commemorative piece of artwork in glass.

vi. Have your ashes packed into jewlry,musical instruments, fishing rods, golf clubs, artwork - for that matter, anything, any shape that can have some space to hold human ashes and can be sealed.

vii. Become a part of man-made memorial reefs in approved environmentally challenged sites in deep sea and help preservation of the environment.

viii. Have your ashes spread across the sky in a display of fireworks.

ix. Have your ashes packed into helium-filled ballons in bright colours with little notes ( like , Bye Dad , We love you etc. ) written on the surface of the balloon and and get it released from a very high-altitude( 26000 feet or so), scattering the ashes in the upper atmosphere.

x. Have a space odyssey by having your cremains shot into outer space with the help of a space craft.

xi. Have your ashes turn into a man-made DIAMOND, so that your loved ones can literally wear you on !

Well, memorial service organisations are there which even do cryonic suspension of your body or only the brain in hopes that eventually medical technology will be developed to revive /reanimate the person !!! Some others also go for mummyfication!!

Truly, the options for how we preserve our remains /memories are limited only by our imagination .

How would you like to have your exit fanfare

Now, coming to the manner of observing the last rites, I believe it is very important to give a serious thought to this right now, decide what exactly you want for yourself and do two things :
a. Clearly write out your wishes, sign and give copies to your family members ; or keep at a place where they are sure to find it after your death.

[ NOTE: Things like whether you would like to be cremated in a traditional manner or would like electric cremation ; whether you would like to have all the rites as per the socio-religious customs for 12 days or you would like it to be curtailed to say 2/3 days with simple puja karmas; whether you would like your daughters/female loved ones to perform the rites ; whether you would like to have elaborate functions for relatives and knowns and/or memorial services in the form of some charity work etc. should be clearly expressed in writing , so that your loved ones do not have to face embarrassment, if any, for deviating from established customs as per your last wishes .]

b. Get registered appropriately your wishes for donating useful parts of your body immediately after your death , if you so wish . Let your family members have copies of the papers necessary to execute this .

Personally, I am going to write out the way in which I would like my own farewel to be organised and keep it at a place where my husband and daughters can find it . That does not mean that I wish saying goodbye anytime soon – no way – not before I try out a few more things I am passionate about ! , Ha, ha !! ). But who knows ??

What about you ?

No Pain No gain Pictures

2008-11-15T16:09:00.003+05:30

Thanks Veera, for helping again in giving a link to visitors to my site to see the pictorial story on No Pain no gain, which I have referred to in my last post titled" There always is a purpose " .

To see the pictures,please click here and I would request a re-visit to my original post .

IMP : Pictures are not in correct sequence as per the story, but are correctly numbered( image 1, image 2 etc. ) . Please view the pictures in order of the Image No , to follow correct sequence and correct story.

2008-11-06T20:37:00.001+05:30

THERE, ALWAYS, IS A PURPOSE !!

Been on too long a break, I swear !! Of course, every bit of it was part of a needed schedule of activities and vacation ( grand Europe tour – I will get back on that very soon), which could not have included blogging - so, no regrets. But the fact remains that both I ( only my “writer” self ) and my car have gathered a bit of dust . So, today the first thing I did was to clean my car nicely- flushing all dust & dirt accumulated over close to two months. Next, I thought, I must cleanse myself of lethargy ( yeah-you like it or not, although leisure does rejuvenate, it also brings with it lethargy – inertia, you know !! )

S.o.o. – to pick up the threads again – I thought I would first share a pictorial story -something wonderfully reassuring and superbly thought-provoking- that a very dear friend of mine ( Thanks, Veera ! ) had e mailed to me during my vacation.

Here it goes! NO PAIN.... NO GAIN

Photo ( 15 nos - having technical difficulty with uploading ; so trying to upload contents and photos separately) This is a test upload .

Apparently, this captures a very simple answer to all our troublesome “WHYs” – especially when we feel unjustly wronged for which we do not have immediate convincing explanations. Take the brunt of life as it comes – somewhere at a distance, it will benefit you and in retrospect, you will understand, there was a definite purpose. So, do not shierk or deliberately take short-cuts.

Think of this - every moment and every event is just perfect in nature. Everything happens for a special purpose in this universe. It just so happens that we do not realise it immediately. Trust this and try accepting every experience with gratitude, as something happening as per Divine Will with an ultimate design for your good and soon you would start seeing the opportunity for growth and betterment in each event, in each experience, no matter how bitter, painful, challenging it may appear at the moment. Put in perspective, nothing wrong ever happens, neither anyone commits any mistake in the first place – it is all a part of a continuous learning process . Yes, repeat the mistake – the entire perspective changes – you have failed to introspect and learn. Each experience holds key to many benefits that accrue after a lag, which we fail to foresee and become wary of the present . “Accepting” gives us the fortitude to bear the present and reap the future benefits – if only, we truly believe in the age-old saying that everything happens for good and seize the opportunity for growing as a human being !!

So, be grateful for each moment passed, each experience lived – no matter what ; learn from what you have gone through, grow and move on .... with unflinching faith in divine dispensation and indomitable will to be all that you can be .

test post

2008-11-06T13:52:00.000+05:30

this is a test upload

2008-09-26T08:55:00.002+05:30

26th September, 2008

Hi Friends, I will be off for about a month - so, till then my BLOG HOLIDAY !!
I will miss the pleasure of making posts, getting yr value adds, and learning from others.

Should be back by early Nov.
Wish all a happy time

My Scrap Book - Enthusiasm

2008-09-13T18:02:00.003+05:30

ENTHUSIASM

A few days back, I was reflecting on Mumbai spirit, how they celebrate life even in the midst of all odds and as I have already shared… to my understanding, the key to the magic is that great surge of positive feelings inside, which we ordinarily refer to as enthusiasm – that infatiguable will to do and explore and enjoy ….. that moving spirit behind everything great and simple !!

That just reminds me of something said by one of the greatest achievers of this world, Henry Ford.

“You can do anything if you have enthusiasm. It is the yeast that makes your hope rise to the sky. It is the sparkle in your eye, the wing in your gait, the grip in your hand, the irresistible surge of your will, and the energy to execute ideas .

Enthusiasm is the bottom of all progress. With it, there is accomplishment; without it, there are only alibis.”
- Henry Ford

Read this with something interesting told by one of the most creative persons (perhaps the man with the largest number of scientific inventions ), Thomas Edison.

Each of his inventions were preceded by numerous failed attempts by him to create/invent what he wished to invent. Perfectly natural ! Someone sarcastically observed, “Mr Edison, you have failed 99 times to succeed once”. Thomas Edison responded, “Yes, I have first learnt 99 ways in which it does not work to find out the way it works .”

[ Sorry, I have put the above words within quote-unquote just to write in 1^st person in a conversational mode for the humour and sarcasm in it. I don’t know the original dialogues. I had read about this somewhere and this has got hammered into my mind and heart as the essence of a winning attitude - with it, you learn from failures and keep trying with added wisdom and enthusiasm till you succeed.]

Personally, these have been a source of great inspiration for me. If ever, by any chance, I start getting upset about something that’s not working my way, I simply remind myself about what these two great souls had said. Believe me … it works – I spring back within no time. ( In fact, it has to work .. ‘cause, any thought that goes deep inside your subconscious is sure to get manifested some way or other. After all, it’s all in the mind !)

And Enthusiasm is contagious !! If you exude enthusiasm, not only you yourself get propelled, others around you also start catching that ( or should I say, get inspired ). In fact, when you are enthusiastic about something, you feel a drive from inside, a passion to get going, to try harder, to explore the unknown – that one P ( passion or enthusiasm) opens up the pathways to all P’s that we want in ourselves and in this world : Pleasure, Proficiency, Productivity, Performance, Profitability, Perseverance, Perspective, Philosophy, Philanthropy, Profundity, Planning, ….. Parivartan…… Perfection …. Providence ….!!

If you are an enthusiastic, a passionate person, then you will put your heart, mind, intellect and soul even to your smallest acts. And this is sure to rub off on the people around you, who will work their heart and soul for you, not out of fear or compulsion, but out of love and admiration. This is especially true of the professional world ( as there is always a pressure to achieve goals through team playing), where success through positional authority is more a myth than reality. I have experienced that so many times in my professional life!

When you have enthusiasm, you will radiate happiness, joy every moment. I am sure you will agree with me that, of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important. Ever looked into the sparkling eyes of an enthusiast ?

– a child who is just dismantling something to create something different out of the same toy parts

- a banker (of manual days) who just got an idea in flash about where to locate that one paisa difference in his cash book which has been bothering him for last two days

- a businessman who just found a new market for selling his products or just a new idea to acquire new customers

- a social activist who just found a new source to tap to make people’s lives better

- an artist getting ready to perform

- a painter who just made a stroke of a shade on his canvass exactly as he had painted in his mind’s eye

- a child who has just discovered a sprout in the seed planted by him

- when you water your own plants

- when you start on your LFC tour

- when you have just got a promotion and taken up a new assignment in your elevated capacity

- when you cross the first milestone in a project implementation, that somebody else had said was not possible

- when you see a beautiful wild flower on the roadside while travelling and your heart says “Wow”

Etc…etc..…

Well, if you have ever looked them in their eyes, you will understand what I am referring to, when I say enthusiasm. That never-drying fountain of energy, that vitality, that simple but strong zest for life, that ever-readiness to make things happen !! We may call the same feeling as joy, happiness – because, enthusiasm, passion, joy, excitement, happiness – all these are facets of the same coin and go hand in hand.

The secret is, when you are enthusiastic or passionate about something, basically you have a unshaken faith that whatever you are trying to do will click, if not this way, then that way; if not that way, then some other way – but click it must. So, you are constantly looking forward to some kind of a joy of finding, and that feeling itself makes you happy and joyous. So when you are enthusiastic, you feel happy; and when you are happy, you feel joyous and enthusiastic !!

Prof. William James, a renowned Psychologist, once said :

“ Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together and by regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling .”

I fully agree with him out of my own experience. I am intrinsically an enthusiastic person and laugh enough. On laughing enough, there could be those who would say, one who laughs enough is not necessarily a happy person – that is their paradigm they see through. There are also those, who have a different paradigm that says “ You do not smile only when you are happy, but invariably you feel happy when you smile .” I belong to the 2^nd category. And it works naturally for me.

If you want to be enthusiastic, act enthusiastic.

That is, if normally, you do not feel that exuberance of spirit currently, then it is possible to work towards it. Acting enthusiastic does not mean that you are faking it. At times when you are feeling low, it may require a bit of conscious effort to act this way; but ultimately, with passage of time and continuous behaviour, it becomes first a part of your habits, then a part of your character. Develop consciously a habit of expressing only positive, hopeful, enthusiastic ideas. Deliberately look at the best sides of everything (that silver lining even in the darkest cloud ) and it will become natural to expect the good. You will automatically find within yourself that excitement that you desire.

“ Express enthusiasm freely and upon all occasions, and your life will strongly tend to become joyful and enthusiastic.”

- Norman Vincent Peale

I recall an anecdote being shared by a guest speaker with the participants of one HR programme in one of the renowned management institutes, that I attended a few years back.

Two HR professionals, strangers till then, were sitting side by side in one seminar. One of them, Mr X, just started a friendly conversation by introducing himself, as he was eager to meet people, talk to them. By the by, Mr X asked the other person, say Mr Y, “How about your family ? ”

Mr Y : “ Oh, my wife is a lecturer in a college …,

Mr X : “ Oh, Wow !”

Mr Y continued : “I have two daughters – they are in school ….”

Mr X : “ Wow, Great, a proud father of two lovely daughters ! And dear, I must say, hats off to your wife. She is managing both a career and a home so well !”

Mr Y was actually getting surprised at this person’s lavish compliments, because to him, it is a very common situation to have a wife, to have children, a married women having a career ….. so many others do it … so many others have it… what’s so great about this to be praised this way ? Of course, he could not say that openly. Just out of courtesy, he also asked Mr X about his wife and family .

Mr X : “ Oh, my wife is raising our family. ” [ Mr Y almost jumped off his seat – raising our family ? Means a mere housewife !]

Mr X continues “ … we have one 3 year old son. Sandra, my wife, is expecting our second edition, ha, ha !! I am really feeling bad that I had to come here now leaving her at this time … but she insisted , as this was something I was looking forward to since quite sometime … ”

Do I really need to analyse and interpret in detail to clarify what I am trying to explain through this anecdote ?? Is it not an easy guess, who is likely to be more successful at human relations and most likely, in profession too ?

When you are enthusiastic, you also tend to find out n number of small small things about others as well as your own self to appreciate.

And being appreciative is another strong attribute of mind which reinforces and liberates all things positive.

[ Try this small trick on housewives – call them homemakers, and see the difference .. sorry , that was in lighter vein. But yes, if you really mean that, I can swear, that will re-define your relationship with your wife in a whole new way.]

The enthusiastic persons somhow get an enormous thrill out of the most ordinary events in life ( remember my Mumbaikars ?). For them, this world itself, the creation of God, is a pure wonder with all its beauty, excitement and thrill. One who thinks this way deep inside will automatically love everything about this world and its people and will be blessed with abundance of love and enthusiasm to live a life of bliss.

Enthusiasm is also the greatest business asset. With a fat paycheque, you can buy an employee’s time, her physical presence or at the most some minimal intellectual output. But you can not buy her enthusiasm, her initiative, her loyalty or her mind and soul. You have to earn these things !! And for that, you as the employer-leader have to first bristle with enthusiasm as a person.

Let me share three great thoughts on enthusiasm that I truly treasure :

“ The secret of the genius is to carry the spirit of the child into old age, which, of course, means never to lose your enthusisam.”
- Thomas Huxley

“ If you can give your son or daughter only one gift, let it be enthusiasm .”

– Bruce Barton

“ The worst bankrupt is the person who has lost enthusiasm. Let one lose everything but enthusiasm and that person will again come through to success .”

- H.W.Arnold

So, be enthuisiastic !!

And the key to remaining enthusiastic about whatever you do ??

Well, the tried and trusted key has two sides :

- Always keep the child in you alive !

- And always have trust in His Providence after doing your best.

A leaf from My Diary

2008-09-10T14:58:00.004+05:30

This is what I had written a month back . Just thought I will share .

10/08/08

What a day today ? It is a Sunday – and I needed to go to the market for the weekly veggie & non-veg. But the morning was really striking. What all happened were really irritating outwardly – but strangely enough, I did not feel irritated or upset at all – rather, mentally, I was observing like a by-stander and making inferences regarding learning points that I would be writing about in the context of what happened to me this morning.

First, it was my non-stick tea pan. I find it very handy for heating plain water or making tea. I do not use this for any other purpose . Nevertheless, my great lady ( my domestic help ) had managed to ruin even this pan with her carelessness by using hard scrubbing stuff while cleaning, although I must have asked her n times to use only spongy stuff for cleaning non-stick utensils. The pan had about two circles on the inner side – roughly about the usual water level taken daily for making tea - where the non-stick coat had come off. My mother was after my life – throw this, throw this – any non-stick utensil with even a small patch of scratches must be thrown away as per her. But, somehow, I was still using that and could not throw this, till now.

Today morning, I just put the pan with milk-water mix for tea – certain ideas came in flashes to my mind, which I sat down to type out on to my computer and lo..o.. I totally oblivious to the fact that my tea pan was on stove. It was only when the entire kitchen was full of burnt gas & my niece smelt something burning and switched off the gas, that I came to realise what had happened. The pan was totally burnt - thank god - I immediately threw it to the dustbin.

Strange, I was really feeling good :

– Firstly, finally I consigned it to the dustbin. Non-stick wares are actually unhealthy to use when their coat comes off. Although I knew that, perhaps I was using that pan for so long just as a matter of habit. Also may be because it still appeared to be useful. Getting burnt made it convincingly useless - hence easier to discard despite my past attachment to it.

- Secondly, I have a new pan. Although it has been there for long as a buffer stock, I never had the opportunity to use that. Now I can take it out and use !! Wow !

Many bigger things happen in life in a similar vein. Until and unless you burn your ship, and are left with no alternative but to explore ahead – you usually show a strong tendency to hang on to the current and known, or try to replicate the past and known, and rarely dare switch course for something new. Basically, it is the fear of the uncertainties, that holds one back to where one is, whether or not that status quo is worth maintaining. When such tendency to hold on is very strong, nothing less than a “burning of the shelter” is required to get you going on a look out for a newer avenue, for a newer destination.

Soon after this incident, I again found myself in an unsolicited problem that day. The sewerage work is still going on in our apartment premises. So every now and then , u will find cuts on the pathways and open pits in our compound. But, till now, at least they were taking care to see that each car has at least some way to move in and out of the campus.

When I went down to go to the market, I found that it was really difficult to take out my car from my parking slot due to cuts and pits. But somehow, I mentally measured up from all sides, and thought I can manage to take my car out through back drive. Unluckily, my calculations went a little awry and I could know at a point that the right front wheel would go down a pit, if I continue. So, just before the danger point, I stopped my car; but despite keeping it on handbreak and gear, I found that the car was actually sliding back - if I left the brake free. Hence, I decided to stay on and kept pressing the brake.

I really needed someone to put a brick or something behind my rear wheel – so that at least I can move ahead & get down to see for myself how much space is available on all sides for the movement without a disaster. But no one was around. Then, I thought of one of our neighbours – happens to be a colleague also. Gave him an SOS call – thank god, he was available at home. He & his son came down and helped me with taking the car out of the garage. As u know, in congested space, negotiating turns really require someone outside to tell you where exactly to cut or stop. Thank god, at the right time, instead of panicking, I drew upon my aquaintance, got help and finally, got over the problem .

So, learning points for me are :

- Do not panic. This is perhaps the most basic and most fundamental ground rule to face problems and challenges, which is mostly observed by its breach ! And personally, while I have usually maintained my cool in professional front (virtually, I laugh through all problems and find them getting solved very soon ), I have been rather impatient when it comes to personal problems where somehow I know my limitations - like driving a car, finding out a new place all by myself, carrying a huge weight etc. But today, I swear, I did not panic , because I knew I have to solve it by myself, my hubby is not around to help me out.

- In a difficult situation, always know the specific problem, instead of getting confused out of panic. ( When I started on back gear, I knew that my real problem was the pit, although space constraint was there on all sides and I knew I have to carefully negotiate. So, my focus was on the pit and I could sense exactly the moment my wheel was about to slip into the pit. ) So, know where exactly the problem is and focus on avoiding or solving that, as the case may be.

- Check out for alternative solutions and decide on the best suited for you. ( In my case, I did have a few alternatives :

a) get out and give the steering to my neighbour, who is a more seasoned driver . I did not do that, as that would have amounted to straightaway giving in without even trying. And then, I would have lost out on learning & my own confidence-building .

b) after getting the car up to a safe point, park it, take an auto and go for marketing. I did not do that – same reason as in the first case. Avoiding a problem in most cases leads to a bigger problem. Next time, I would have imagined problems and stopped driving gradually.

c) I had some alternative ways of moving my car out of the parking space, with directional help from my neighbour and his son outside. I chose the best one, which we thought would give me more space to negotiate the curves. And it clicked.

- Always have a good network. Have touch with people who can be depended upon at times of need . ( Reciprocally , u should also be of help to people at their times of need.) ( I always keep as many phone numbers as possible on my mobile – this has always helped me.)

- Do not hesitate to seek help. (Ordinarily, one would feel embarrassed to admit that one needs help. But that is exactly what is required for solving a problem beyond your control. Many a time, it also leads to a better result for problems within your control. In fact, in professional life especially, you must seek from others and other sources and learn – that will lead to synergisation of the pool of knowledge and talent already available for a better result, instead of wasting time to re-invent the wheel. )

- Express gratitude for the help offered to u . ( Sounds like stating the obvious and ornamental. NO ! Expressing gratitude from the bottom of your heart does not come naturally to many and in the process, these people without their knowledge start losing friends .)

This was just a very small problem. But even bigger problems in life can be addressed effectively, when we understand these basics on how to approach a solution, when faced with a problem. There could be many more dimensions to problems and the art of problem-solving, when it comes to bigger problems. Especially, some problems will be such, that those can not be solved within the given context and you have to necessarily go out-of-box.

The point is, the moment we realise that problems are not something to run away from, rather these are opportunities in disguise – opportunities to learn more, opportunities to have better things, better life, better state of being – that we face and deal with them more effectively.

“ What are Problems ?

P redictors - They help mould our future.

R eminders - We are not self-sufficient.

We need God and others to help.

O pportunities - They pull us out of our rot.

And prompt us to think creatively.

B lessings - They open up doors we usually don’t go through.

L essons - Each new challenge will be our teacher.

E-verywhere - No place or person is excluded from them.

M-essages - They warn us about potential disaster.

S-olvable - No problem is without a solution.”

-ArunWakhlu

So..o.. Do not live with problems, neither run away from them. Face them, fix them or find the pathway through them to move on to a next level where these problems no longer remain relevant.

My Scrap Book - Feedback

2008-09-07T16:58:00.004+05:30

FEEDBACK

Long time back, a hilarious advertisement used to come on TV. In a crowded townbus in a metro, one passenger pushes the man next to him … you know… those elbow pushes!!

Angry, the other man yells.. “ Hey, why did you push me ?”

The first one says with a naughty giggle, “ Okay, I admit.. …, I gave you a push, but why did you take it ?? ”

Joke apart, this captures some very insightful ways of looking at others in your life !! Ordinarily, all of us tend to attach a lot of importance to what others say about us, what others think about us, how others feel about us etc. etc. Well, it is but natural. But to what extent and in what context others’ opinion should matter should always be upto us, not others.

It entirely depends on you, whether others affect you (adversely) or impact you (positively). If you thought the other fellow in the moving bus pushed you ( a verb - where the control lever rests with the other in the environment ), then you are allowing the other to decide how you feel. But if you thought the other fellow gave you a push ( a noun – where you can still retain the verb – i.e. control lever ), then against each give by others, you have a take - about which you get to decide, whether you take it at all, and if you decide to take it, how you would take it !!

Taking Feedback :

Think of the man who got the push !! He was standing in a moving bus, when the fellow passenger pushed him. Now just think about it – if he had his grip tightly on the hold-ons, what, at the worst, could have happened to him? Maximum a jerk, I guess – a slight momentary dislocation of position !! But yes, if he was standing without holding on to anything – but by just supporting himself against others in the crowd (yeah- that also happens in crowded townbuses), then there could be a big problem ! Such a passenger standing in a crowded moving bus and getting pushed by someone else can literally fall – hurting himself and others in the vicinity too !!

Point is: you must have grip on some hold-on or other in a moving bus !! Making sense ? Those hold-ons are our own beliefs and convictions about our values, our own abilities, our self-worth, our own goals …, our own reference points internally…. in short ! Once we have this, our position will not get totally destabilised by others’ perception about us. Only when we are shaky about our own convictions and self-worth that we start attaching unwarranted and undue importance to others’ negative feedback on us, without weighing those. Similarly, when we lack a true appreciation of our own abilities and self-worth, we overestimate ourselves based on exaggerated positive feedback on us from others, which is an equally adverse situation.

[ Clarification: Although feedback is a very limited version of other’s perception about you when it gets expressed, or the vice versa, I am taking this liberty to use feedback as something said by others about you or something said by you about others , i.e. views on a particular person ( not something inanimate ). Perception is a very wide concept, needing comprehensive analysis and I am not planning to deliberate on that right now. ]

When I say that you must decide on whether or not to take other’s feedback, I am not at all suggesting that to play it safe, you should totally ignore other’s feedback. In fact one should face it… if one is genuinely interested in growing !!

Taking other’s feedback does not at all mean that we are allowing our reference point to be external. When you shut yourself up against all feedback…. it is like closing your eye to the reality around – the reality of perception of others about you or your actions (may not be the absolute reality) is going to stay there whether you see them or not. Rather, the chances are more that if you do not see them with open eyes, you are likely to imagine ( which could be more unreal and many a time more devastating .. ) ; 2^nd ly, if you are not seeing them, you may be losing an opportunity either to clarify your position to those who really matter to you and/or you may be missing out on an opportunity to learn further from other’s wisdom/perspectives and finally grow as a person.

Well, to me, most of the problems we face are rather created by ourselves when we do not know how to take feedback from others. Only when we go overboard by letting other’s feedback control our feelings and action without reflecting on it that we would be allowing ourselves to be governed by others – and that position is neither desirable, nor correct .

Always learn to take feedback - some could be objective and deserving ( in line with the reality – so it could be either positive or negative feedback); some could be exaggerated on a positive side and some could be negative. In any of the three cases, you stand to gain, provided the position from which you are evaluating them is in harmony with your true self and even in case of negative feedback, ultimately this will help you grow out of undeserving negative feedback and let you move on .. .

Know this story of the three racers - all of whom won ( no tie !! )?

A big event of running competition was organised. Among those who ran the race, there was one person who had joined the competition for the first time. He had joined the competition to win over his fear of failure first. There was another person who had joined the race to better his own previous performance. And there was another who had been consistently striving to come first.

The last person actually won the title. He was an obvious winner.

The 2^nd person did not make it to even top 5; but his performance was better than his previous record.

There was nothing spectacular about the performance of the 1^st person either – apart from the fact that he also ran.

The beauty is all three of them won, because each of them achieved their own goals!! The 1^st runner could win over his fear of failure just by participating in the competition. The 2^nd person could better his own performance, which was the reason why he had participated in the race. The 3^rd one won the title, which was his objective of joining the competition.

Now tell me, if clear about their own goals, how should the 1^st & 2^nd competitors take feedback of others who saw them as failures just because they did not win the title ? Is there any necessity for them to get upset or unnerved by negative comments of people who do not know or understand their objectives behind participating in the race in the first place ?

As regards the 3^rd person, the winner of the title - yes, he must also welcome all the cheers ( positive feedback) and feel legitimately happy and humble - encouraged to try it out for a bigger win next time, instead of allowing pride to creep into him because of others’s high opinion about him.

So taking feedback actually is a very serious job .. needs a lot of maturity. Do take others’ feedback – but evaluate against your honest appreciation of yourself ( grip over the hold-ons in the moving bus for the standing passengers) and decide what to take and what to reject. Don’t react… respond! Do not give the right to anyone else to command how you feel about yourself.

Giving Feedback :

Giving feedback is a still more serious job and requires not only a lot more maturity, but also competence, clear vision and courage – as it requires appraising skills with objectivity and transparency !!

Life in general, and professional life in particular, is an Obstacle Race and where you are now is actually decided partially by the number, nature and timings of the obstacles you have got over till you reached your current position. It is never a level playing field for any two people. Hence, to give feedback on others, you are required not only to have competence to judge the other person’s inherent abilities, but also must possess necessary clear-sightedness to see the obstacles en-route that the other person has braved to get to the current position.

The closer you are to the person you are giving feedback on, chances are more that your feedback will be closer to the reality ( provided you are not biased yourself). Problems get manifold when it comes to giving feedback on persons or phenomena from a distance.

Even if competence is presumed, feedback may still be far from the reality if you are at a distance and can not see the entire pathway travelled by the assessee. In such cases, you must have the willingness to make a conscious effort to see better by using additional tools ( just as you use, say, a pair of binoculars to see distant objects outside your range of normal sight !)

I give the following simple example to drive home my point ( no offense meant to my male friends) :

Compare two persons currently at similar positions – one a male executive and another a female executive - both with children and family – the only difference being the man took a slightly lesser length of service to achieve this as compared to his female counterpart!

It is like both have run obstacle races – only difference is while the track of the man was full of obstacles visible from a distance, a major portion of the woman’s track was full of the visible obstacles similar to the man’s plus a whole lot of small, small pieces of glasses and stone chips spread over her track all through, arresting her speed, but not visible from a distance. In all probability, she still was running with equal or greater ability!!

Basically she was running the race with bruised feet, while he was running with normal bare feet (or with a pair of shoes on!! ).

If you are in a position to see both of them from close quarters, you are likely to rate both of them at least equal, as there is a scope for you to appreciate the small small pieces of glasses and stone chips on her way, over and above the similar obstacles faced by both.

When you are giving feedback on a person who you can see closely, most likely it will turn out to be a realistic reflection on the person being judged. But when you are giving feedback on someone from a distance – it reflects more on your ability to assess and give feedback, rather than a feedback on the other person, unless you make a conscious and conscientious effort to see things clearly overcoming the distance factor, by using additional tools.

We must also introspect how we tend to jump at judging others impulsively when we get a somewhat unacceptable feedback from them on us – without realising that we, too, are getting caught in the same snares !! Lack of objectivity!!

Let us always remember, there is something that is much more scarce, something rarer than ability- it is the ability to recognize ability .

Next time, you get to hear something complimentary or something nasty, about yourself from someone else, pause and decide for yourself, if that is worth taking or not. And if you decide to take, make sure you take it only to benefit yourself –either as an encouragement or as a constructive criticism, from which you can take tips to grow wiser and happier. I am sure, if only you learn to take feedback in its correct perspective, the whole world of experience can change for you in a dramatic way and you can actually achieve much more … in a positive way.

LORD GANESHA

2008-09-03T11:25:00.000+05:30

03/09/2008

Today is Ganesh Chaturthi – an auspicious day for all of us. I just recall something I had read somewhere – thought, I will share.

Inspiration from Lord Ganesh

Lord Ganeshji’s BIG HEAD inspires us to THINK BIG ; the BIG EARS prompt us to LISTEN PATIENTLY to new ideas and suggestions ; the NARROW EYES point to DEEP CONCENTRATION needed to finish task on hand well and quickly; the LONG NOSE tells us to poke around INQUISITIVELY to learn more and the SMALL MOUTH reminds us to SPEAK LESS and listen more .

( Lord Ganesha ! Bless me with what it takes to attain these - I need special blessings for the last bit (speak less) !)

My Scrap Book - CELEBRATE LIFE

2008-08-28T16:28:00.005+05:30

Celebrate Life !!

MUMBAI … That’s where I really appreciated what celebrating life means .

Oh no .. I am not talking about the scintillating celebrities adorning that dream city and their celebrations. What touched me deeeep inside was the commoner’s attitude to celebrate life in the midst of …. a million problems and adversities. It is here that I also learnt how to change an adversity into an opportunity, in a real sense; how to embrace the golden moments of small, small pleasures of life, instead of whining about the wantings or constantly remaining apprehensive of the bigger problems awaiting us ( there were many at any time ). As is said, if life gives you a lemon, make a lemonade out of it – instead of cribing why it was not an apple( does not, however, mean that you should not aim for the apple. Do everything to get the apple, but do enjoy the lemonade all the same !! )

Local trains .. the lifeline of Mumbai. Driving down daily to office by personal car or taxi is simply out of question for people like us – both because we can not afford and time would not permit – unless you are really rich or you live near Nariman point. Most of the offices are located in that locality – approachable via Churchgate or VT and most of the residential localities are down town – so you need to travel a lot .. daily AND your only option is the local trains – faithfully showing up almost every 3 minutes. Minutes matter here. We got to know that right after reaching Mumbai. Point was how to brave the ordeal daily?

The ordeal seemed all the more enormous, because of our initial couple of encounters with it, while we were settling down during the first week, before joining office …First time, when we were totally fagged out getting the guest accommodation cleaned ( where we were to stay till we got our staff quarters) and were returning, we just boarded whatever coach stopped in our front without knowing, ( that was 1^st class & we were holding second class tickets and the only distinguishing feature, as we learnt later, between different classes of coach was the colour of stripes on the body of the boggey !!) . I need not elaborately describe how embarrassed we felt when the TT checked our tickets and made us realise what grave crime we had committed. Of course, after showing all documentary evidence to convince him that we were new to the city, he was kind enough to let us go with payment of balance value of the 1^st class tickets with fine only. We learnt our first lesson( Know the different boggey from stripes - always stand near the boggey you are supposed to catch – they always stop at particular places) the hard way, but the advantage was we NEVER ever committed this mistake ( ha, ha!) and, yes, we used to caution our friends when they were to travel the first time by local train, lest they get into such horrible situation!!

Second time, it was tuly serious – I still shudder at the thought of what could have happened . All of us were to board the train. It was very crowded ( as usual) and we were yet to have those monthly/quarterly tickets, so had to travel by ordinary class. The train started by the time three of us managed to board the train and my elder daughter started running to catch the train. Some lady on the platform from among the ones who could not board, thought this child is risking herself ( she did not realise that we were there and I was actually clutching on to her hand & pulling her up to get into the train .. it was all happening in fraction of second !!) . That lady started pulling my daughter back ( to save her, of course ), while I was pulling her onto the train. God, anything could have happened – just saved by a whisker, as others on board also joined me in shouting for that lady – leave the child , leave the child – and she could be literally dragged onto the running train, before it gathered speed. Second lesson – again learnt the hard way – do not attempt to get some one into the train after the train starts - better to come back from the next station, if that other person can not board on her own.

One look at the crowd – no , the sea of human beings - at the railway stations waiting at platforms, running and jumping on to almost running trains ( irrespective of age, size or shape), alighting from almost running trains ….. and a new comer is sure to give up even before trying! But, when you are left with no options, you eventually summon the courage to face the only option you have. That is actually the biggest plus point of not having options.

So, despite our horrible experience during the first week, we had to start taking the local trains for office. So, my ordeal with trains began .. from Goregaon( West) to Churchgate.

Boarding locals at Goregaon is a tough act – as these trains originate from Borivili and wiser commuters go back to Borivilli and catch an originating train ( for getting a seat from start till end is a luxury, worth spending some more time involved in this strategy ). We came to know that later. So, choiceless, we started taking the locals from Goregaon and believe me, for about 15 days … it was HELL, I swear. I tore about three sarees in first week itself , and gradually learnt how to manage your saree while getting up or down ! My specs, hair .., shoes ….handbag… well, well, it was a virtual adventure everyday just to reach back home in one piece !! My husband literally fell down while getting down and hurt himself badly... lost his watch ( just slipped off his hand .. you know, once you get inside and are standing in the crowd ( even in first class),you won’t even know where your limbs are – your hand can get stuck somewhere, your foot can get stuck somewhere, you may have to struggle even to keep your head straight .. yak !! And all this in a so called 1^st class coach during the rush office hours. As I realised later, the only difference between a first class coach and rest during the rush hours is the variety of perfumes you get to smell – in first class, u find a class in these smells - in 2^nd class, it could be a mixture of smell of sweat to fish or .. godknowswhat !!

But .. it does pay to try and in a few days, one eventually learns the tricks of catching a train just as it slows down just as hundreds of others do everyday !! Personally, I had my moments of triumph ( privately of course !!) when I could do this, at times by giving an elbow push to someone else ( bitchy ??) and started feeling happy. So, I also can !

Conquer one problem ( getting into the train), the second one starts looking bigger ! Managing a seat ! Like eagles, you eye all those who are seated, ask them where each would get off and stand near that seat – inside. Standing inside is a real skill, as there is no support to hold on – and my hands could never reach the sides. That was a real price to pay for the probable seat. But still … courageous as I am ( ha, ha ) – for some days, I tried that also .

Those were the beginning days …days of woes and worries.. and difficulties not less than fighting a battle each day ! Then, I used to think of the Mumbaikars and pity them virtually .. poor things, day in and day out, they are facing this !!

But as I said, that was only the beginning. It was not very long before I honestly started loving and looking forward to my local train journeys to office and back. It was in course of my stay there when I got local friends that I could understand and appreciate what a beautiful life they are leading, by choosing to be happy, come what may, which could otherwise have been a life of miseries !! Hats off to Mumbaikars. Rightly said, it is all in the mind !!!

How this paradigm shift in me ??

Well, ever been in any function, i.e. celebration and yet not felt uplifted ? Usually, the spirit of celebration is contagious – it is bound to impact others around… positively, even though the others may not be in a particularly good mood. And if you let go of yourself for a while, sooner or later, you will find yourself as a part of the celebration. That is actually what happened to me once I started seeing – not just looking around. There was so much of vivacity, so much of enthusiasm about everything in this so called mundane world, so much of life …..among the people at Mumbai, that you simply start seeing the silver line in every dark cloud.

Have you not heard … A cloudy day is no match for a sunny disposition ! (William Arthur Ward said it.)

It did not take me long to observe something extremely special …and lovely in these local trains! There used to be groups of daily commuters, catching the same train everyday and boarding the same coach. I guess, they knew each other since ages - most likely through these trains, as eventually they were getting off at separate destinations. Everyday, something or other will be celebrated by the groups .. someone’s birthday, someone took a new house, someone got a promotion, someone’s child passed with good percentage, someone been to a tourist place, someone wearing a new saree … etc.. etc.. As if they wanted to celebrate, and hence, there was always a reason! Mode of celebration was also very special – in the sense that it was invariably simple - distribute some sweets at the most ( sweets are very costly in Mumbai ) ; otherwise, some simple snack made at home or bada pav treat or whatever is being sold in the train ( especially in evenings ).

What was important to them was their celebration, not the means of celebration - their sense of appreciation ( you would always find one saying “changla” ( means – very good or tasty), their joy in sharing ( not what is being shared ). In fact, later on when I attended many of their social functions, I was profoundly impressed to see how people took it important to attend and socialise – giving least importance to food or gifts. Simplicity … that was it, something to emulate really. [ In most of the places elsewhere, when one calls for a get together, very soon the enjoyment of socialising ( the basic purpose of any social meet) tends to become a tension for the host and the guests alike, as the menu, gift and other incidentals start assuming more importance.] In Mumbai, it is different, as every commoner is in a deep sea and each has a heart to appreciate the position of the other ( fellow-feeling?) .

Coming back to local trains …you would also find many groups enjoying antaksharies or simple chit-chats with those sitting/standing nearby, known or unknown ( relating to fellow human beings ) and if not anything else, then enjoying plain and simple dozing off ( those most enjoyable moments of tension-free travel naps !!). Then, there would be some commuters totally enjoying reading, as if nothing is affecting them- the crowd, the problems, the noise ! And all this – when crowds are moving in and out at every station almost every 2/3 minutes !!

At the extreme, you would also find ladies sewing or knitting or peeling peas or doing the veggies ( yes-inside the local ) !! But once they board a train, you would never find these commuters worrying – about whether the train would reach in time, what if it breaks down in the middle etc. etc. Why worry about something which is not in your control ?

Yes, not a single moment can go wasted – either you use it gainfully or you enjoy it, but don’t let it slip out of unnecessary worry !! I salute this spirit of Mumbai !

I have also seen their concern for others – although, they themselves are in much inconveniences and nobody virtually has any time to spare! I really used to feel very scared about the pregnant ladies travelling in local trains. But my trust in humanity used to get re-affirmed as I have seen ladies getting up and offering seats to pregnant ladies, old and sick. It did call for a sense of sacrifice. Once, we saw someone fainting in the compartment – I thought, poor thing .. everyone is in a hurry, who would help ? No, some of the commuters did stop on the next station, helped her alight, gave her water, asked the police to help and boarded another train to office only after ensuring the basic help. Are not these the unsung heroins? I had seen plenty of them. Everytime, I see these ordinary ladies conduct themselves so extra-ordinarily through the trials of Mumbai life, my respect for them grows and my faith in humanity grows.

As days passed off, the Mumbai spirit started pervading me. Gradually, I realised that if only I accept that I am to travel standing, I can be actually better off, I would be spared the pain of waiting for a seat and gain time for reading. Soon I firmed up my strategy – after boarding the train, I perched myself at the corner of the entrance ( that was easier ) having my back rested on the sidewall of the coach – facing opposite to the direction in which the train is moving . This way, you don’t fall forward and you don’t have to hold on to any support in the moving train. Then, I would take out my newspaper - the middle page, which ordinarily contains the editorials plus many other diverse articles), fold it to the size of one article - so that it does not touch any other person, although I can read it without much problem – even at times holding with one hand. This discovery was actually the turning point in my life. Honestly, instead of hating it, I actually started liking the train journey ( oops !!) . Now, I had no problem at all in standing ( because I had accepted this mentally in preference to trying for a seat). I felt genuinely happy that I could now read the newspaper for which I had no time otherwise. It was only a matter of time when local trains actually became my reading room and thanks to Mumbai & those travels , I could read scores of fabulous books. I can bet I could not have read all those, had it not been for Mumbai & local trains. And you know what profound impact can good books have on the way you look at life !! That was virtually a huge treasure of knowledge and wisdom lying unzipped before me !! Thanks, Mumbai.

At Office also, I had lot many things to observe and learn how to celebrate life. Initially, I used to wonder, how come all ladies looked so fresh and vivacious even after commuting by crowded trains, walking to office and all that ? Soon I found out that all these ladies carry their small make-up stuff and after reaching office,the first thing they do is to freshen up. Ordinarily, this would attract a very satirical reaction from the colleagues – these ladies .. why do they come to office… to do their make up ?? No , you won’t have this in the air .. there at Mumbai. Just imagine, what a vast difference it makes to their spirit ( and obviously to productivity, too) by spending 5 minutes to refresh themselves – to shrug off all that tiredness, untidiness from commuting !! Minus this 5 minutes of freshening up – the entire day you would have carried the burden of yourself .

Not only that, I have seen ladies, really decked up at times while leaving office, with party wear ( they carry that stuff while coming to office on these occasions). Hey, what is this ? I soon got to know. Time is so precious and unaffordable at Mumbai that, everyone becomes a natural expert in time management. The great thing about Mumbaikars is that they do not let paucity of time or resources get in their way of living every moment or celebrating life !! In such tight situations, we usually stop socialising – which means stopping sharing and caring for others !! Hats off to the people at Mumbai, nothing deters them in celebrating life. Ordinarily, it is not feasible to go back from office, get refreshed and come back to attend functions – distances are just too much. So, people are used to attending ceremonies at others’ places straight from office and no compromise on party look either !! You and I would shy away from risking our good clothes in yet another commutation ( for attending a function also, you have to travel ..by train mostly !) . But, what is the purpose of such nice clothes, if we do not wear it on occasions for which these are saved !)

Each festival … there will be celebration at office too, in small ways at least, without hurting the official decorum ( like distributing til gud laddus on Makar sankranti , with wishings “ gud gud khao, gud gud jhalo” meaning eat sweet & stay sweet ( Sorry, I know I have messed up the Marathi expression) . I used to love the wishes in Marathi. So, here also, the laddu was not important, it was the spirit, the best wishes with which it was being distributed. That was like spreading happiness through small gestures !! [ My friend still couriers me a small packet of til gud laddus every Makar sankranti . So sweet of her !! ]

I have been to some of the residences. Some are very small – area wise- but the hearts of the people living there are large enough ! At times, I did wonder, how even extended families fit into these one bedroom or two bedroom flats !! But they do . They understand the need of each other and the constraints of a metro like Mumbai and do their own space management in most innovative manner and stay together, sharing and caring for one another – that last bit is important ( sharing and caring !!). On top of that, you would always find people coming from outside and putting up with these families. Small space may be .. but large hearts, I swear !!

At the end, when I reflect and ask me what was it that made the Mumbaikars celebrate life shrugging off all the adversities, the answer that I get is “ ENTHUSIASM ” .

It is enthusiasm that makes all the difference in life. With enthusiasm, you will celebrate life’s each insignificant and significant thrill; without enthusiasm, you will only have alibi for not being happy and even the greatest thrill would fall flat on you. This applies to both personal and professional life. Think about it .

“ If you can give your son or daughter only one gift, let it be enthusiasm .”

– Bruce Barton

“Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens. Circumstances and situations do color life, but you have been given the mind to choose what the colour shall be .”

– John Homer Miller

I would like to conclude with something, my friend Manasi had collected from Internet & shared with me :

Make it a Great Day
I woke up early today, excited over all I get to do before the day ends. I have responsibilities to fulfill today, I am important. My job is to choose what kind of a day I am going to have.

Today I can complain because the weather is rainy or ….

I can be thankful that the grass is getting watered for free .

Today I can grumble about my health or …..

I can rejoice that I am alive.

Today I can mourn my lack of friends or …..

I can excitedly embark upon a quest to discover new relationships.

Today I can whine because I have to go to work or ….

I can shout for joy because I have a job to do .

Today I can murmur dejectedly because I have to do housework or ….

I can feel honoured because Life has provided shelter for my mind, body and soul .

Today stretches ahead of me, waiting to be shaped. And here I am, the sculptor who gets to do the shaping .

What today will be like is upto me . I get to choose what kind of day I will have !

Why not make it a great day !!!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

MY SCRAP BOOK - PARADIGM SHIFT

2008-08-27T14:05:00.004+05:30

PARADIGM SHIFT

26/08/2008

Yesterday, it was a Bandh here in the entire State – in protest against the suspected Maoists attack on one Ashram in a communally sensitive area, burning to death a renowned Hindu religious leader and others. Dastardly and abominable, at the least!! I wonder, can there be any cause that justifies such gory, inhuman means ??

Anyway, that is not the issue I am going to comment upon here.

Well, my housemaid, who only sweeps & wipes floor everyday, did not turn up yesterday. Honestly, I was pretty angry, as she had already absented on 7 days earlier during this month - of course at a stretch due to some function at home, with prior information. But, last month also, she was absent for 4 days in one fortnight ( I have employed her only last month after shifting to this new house).

So, as she entered today, I asked her, “What’s the matter ? You did not come yesterday !” She said, “ bundh”. “ Bundh ? How does that affect you ? ” I was really irritated inside.

{I was under the impression that she stays nearby at walking distance – because she comes to my house around 7.30 am – 8 a.m. . It never even occurred to me while engaging her to find out where she stays, as she had readily agreed to my timings early in the morning. Further, so far my experience has been that maids in our area usually prefer to work nearby so that they could attend to their own household chores also. Obviously, for working women – it is always a balancing act .}

She replied, “ Buses were not plying, how could have we come ? I stay near Khandagiri area ( pretty far off from my residence). I and my sis-in-law leave home everyday around 5.30 am, come here, do all our houses, and by the time we get back, it gets almost 7.30 pm. ” Actually, during daytimes, while taking my car out of our parking space, twice or thrice, I had seen these two ladies having their dibba ( lunch) . Her sis-in-law works at two/three apartments here and it was she, who had actually arranged this lady for my house, as my timings were not convenient to her.

When I heard this, suddenly something changed inside me. My anger… sort of .. evaporated !! I felt truly bad that without knowing the whole facts, I was attributing insincerity to her. To be precise, I could see things differently.

Cetainly, there was a paradigm shift for me – does not matter even if it was in a very limited context only. The nature of experience of a small paradigm shift and a big paradigm shift has to be the same – what could be different is the context… the canvas , that gets impacted by the paradigm shift and the quantum of change – small or radical !! In my case, due to the paradigm shift in this particular case, I may change the timing to suit her more, I may change my opinion about her and give her more work etc… etc… In a bigger context like the role of Employees in an Organisation, a paradigm shift may cause the employees to be looked upon as the most critical asset to be possessed than just one of the resources to be used, which,in turn, would bring in fundamental changes in HR areas for organisational development.

In every paradigm shift, there is a spontaneity of change, that makes one see things differently. Needless to say, seeing things differently is the first step in the thousand miles journey in a new direction!! That is actually what we mean when we say “ paradigm shift “ - probably one of the most talked about concepts in organisational development and personal development( telling this from my own experience in HR – P.S. was the most over-used term that I had come across in articles and speeches/deliberations. ) When there is a paradigm shift, you see things differently, from newer angles, so you understand the composite and bigger picture better and it enables you to know better paths, more effective ways and means to address the issues involved …ultimately impacting the whole state of being .

This is what I got from Wikipedia on Paradigm Shift – just checking out whether what I am calling a paradigm shift is, in essence, in line with what Thomas Kuhn, who originally coined this term, meant it to be !!

“Paradigm shift, sometimes known as extraordinary science or revolutionary science, is the term first used by Thomas Kuhn his influential 1962 book “ The Structure of Scientific Revolutions” to describe a change in basic assumptions within the ruling theory of science. It is in contrast to his idea of normal science.

It has since become widely applied to many other realms of human experience as well even though Kuhn himself restricted the use of the term to the hard sciences. According to Kuhn, "A paradigm is what members of a scientific community, and they alone, share.” (The Essential Tension, 1997). Unlike a normal scientist, Kuhn held, “a student in the humanities has constantly before him a number of competing and incommensurable solutions to these problems, solutions that he must ultimately examine for himself.” (The Structure of Scientific Revolutions). A scientist, however, once a paradigm shift is complete, is not allowed the luxury, for example, of positing the possibility that miasma causes the flu or that ether carries light in the same way that a critic in the Humanities can choose to adopt a 19th century theory of poetics, for instance, or select Marxism as an explanation of economic behaviour. Thus, paradigms, in the sense that Kuhn used them, do not exist in Humanities or social sciences. Nonetheless, the term has been adopted since the 1960s and applied in non-scientific contexts.

The term "paradigm shift" has found uses in other contexts, representing the notion of a major change in a certain thought-pattern — a radical change in personal beliefs, complex systems or organizations, replacing the former way of thinking or organizing with a radically different way of thinking or organizing .”

S..o .. That’s it , for the time being. Make conscious efforts to break away from the old thinking patterns… old paradigms. Every major break through in this world has been possible first through a paradigm shift.

MUTTON STEW WITHOUT OIL

2008-08-25T17:11:00.005+05:30

PAPA’S MUTTON STEW ( WITHOUT OIL)

Well, this one is dedicated to my anonymous friend, who said s/he is looking forward to this !! And yeah , I gladly accept the suggestion- not to call it a diet – red meat never really is a diet .

I fondly recall, we actually used to call it “Papa’s ” Mutton stew. Anytime, my mother or anyone else( including me ) dared try this, we used to reject saying – no , it does not give that “ papa, papa” flavour !! I have made it quite a few times – comes out nicely – but not as good as when bapa used to do it . Perhaps, his trick was being subtle with each of the ingredients – I tend to be a little louder .

A confession ! Although no oil is used for this recipe, we do require good quality goat meat with fat of its own . Yeah, it would be like soup only – so may not look too great to many ( my photo has not come out properly – actually it was looking much better ) – BUT , I and my family just love the aroma and the great taste of the stew.

How to make : Mix all ingredients , goat meat and water in a pressure cooker . Put it on high flame till full pressure ( i.e. one whistle comes) ; then lower flame to simmer and continue for about 25 minutes ( usually , meat takes about half an hour in pressure to become tender ). Take off the flame – leave it to cool for about 10/15 minutes , so that the cooker cover can be opened without having to vent extra gas from inside. DONE !! serve hot . Can there be a simpler process for red meat ?

Ingredients : For ½ kg goat meat – take 2 medium sized Onion ( sliced ), ½ inch ginger ( crushed), 7 to 8 big garlic flakes (crushed ), one tomato ( cut into pieces )

Whole dhania ( 1 teaspoonful), whole jeera ( ½ teaspoonful), whole black pepper ( about ½ teaspoonful), cinnamon pieces ( pounded lightly), small elaichi ( 3 to 4 , pounded lightly ) , laung ( 5 to 6 pieces pounded lightly) , 2 whole red chilly ( de-seeded and halved), 2 bay leaf

Dhania powder( about 1/3^rd teaspoonful), zeera powder ( ½ of dhania powder), red chilly powder, dalchini powder, Haldi powder, salt, sugar

water - generously , about 2 to 3 tea cupfuls

[ I am horrible in giving measurements, because I myself never measure – it is always an eye estimate – and usually it works ! So, please decide for yourself – given photos for rough proportion of various ingredients . Particularly, give less of powders as whole dhania , jeera etc. are also going into the recipe and ultimately , it should be like watery soup , not gravy .]

AND do try it out – you would love the flavour when the very first whistle comes !

DIET DELIGHT

2008-08-21T14:34:00.003+05:30

Diet Delight - LEMON CHICKEN WITHOUT OIL

SAY NO TO OIL, for a change, EVEN FOR NON-VEG !

Sounds weird ?? Well, it does. But I can guarantee, you will be very pleasantly surprised with this healthy, yet tasty dish. AND simplest possible recipe, yummy looking , too !! There are certain dishes, which are tasty, but do not look great. This one does.

The only thing required for this recipe is your knack to know when to cook covered, when to stir-fry, when to increase flame, when to simmer and when to sprinkle water while stirfrying !! I know, every cook usually develops this knack somehow. For the beginners, messing up a couple of times does teach them these cooking tricks!!

I would give credit for this recipe to my sis-in-laws – I had heard it from them ( not tasted ) , experimented and did a lot of self-patting ( ha, ha) .

How I prepare it :

Wash & clean regular chicken pieces ( with bones ). In a non-stick pan, mix chicken pieces with finely chopped Onions, Ginger, Garlic flakes, green chilli and freshly ground black pepper, lemon juice and salt to taste. Put the mix on flame – first cook covered on medium to low fire, so that chicken gets cooked. Initially, the mix will leave water of its own – keep on cooking by covering for some time and stir-frying uncovered for some time . Be careful about the flame , as there is no oil and no water . While stir-frying, to prevent sticking to pan or getting burnt, just sprinkle water to make it moist as it starts getting fried - Do this till the chicken is done and looks fried with a nice coat of onion & other ingredients – leaving the sides of the pan even without oil. ( don’t worry- it may stick just a little bit ). Taste to adjust salt and lemon towards the end .

L.oo. the dish is over .

A few tips : For 10/12 pieces of chicken, take about 2 to 3 onions( medium ), 10/12 flakes of garlic, 3/4^th inch of ginger, ½ of a small green chilli ( as quite a bit of pepper is going into it, decide on green chilli to suit how much hot you would like it – I recommend more of pepper). Basically,quantity of all these should be adequate to give a comfortable rolly-polly to the chicken pieces – erring on a slightly higher side ( except in salt, lemon juice & green chilli ) should be okay, rather than taking less of these than required. And chop finely.

Be careful about lemon juice – excess of it will spoil the taste. One small juicy lemon should be okay for the above quantity. Better, put about half of the juice first, after chicken is cooked (or when you can taste it), check and put the rest as required.

I promise, it tastes heavenly if ingredients go in right measure and frying is done properly to give it that nice blackish-red colour, even without red chilli. Onion with lemon juice gets that reddish colour.

I will come back with another recipe without oil for mutton (goat meat) ! Do not jump off your seat ( ha, ha) .

Leading

2008-08-20T12:45:00.003+05:30

19/08/2008

Today marks the first day of my new life. I feel grateful to my organisation where I served for so long till yesterday and got to learn so much. I seek blessings of the Almighty and good wishes of all … all in my life. I know I already have it – only seek continued shower of the same.

The first thing that strikes me today is – “ Leading without a Title ” - a tag line I had read a few days back on Robin S Sharma’s blog ( Have you read his book “ The Monk Who Sold his Ferrari “? - awesome - very inspiring and to me, made all the sense! That perhaps made me introspect about my life goals a lot more sincerely. That was about 2 years back.) .

Now that I am without an official position, I understand what he is talking about .

Here I am reminded of a couple of stories.

Story 1

Seen that small documentary of Naseerunddin Shah on Star Fishes ? ( We were shown this as a starting point to an Organisation-wide internal communication drive, named “Parivartan”. )

The film shows an Ocean, with all its might and majesty, roaring with tides and throwing every moment with each sea-wave, a huge number of star fishes out of the water onto the sandy seashore, from where the starfishes can not make their way back to the water and eventually die .

However, here is this young boy, who runs everyday along the seashore and picks up starfishes and throws them back to the water – as many as possible for him – to save them.

An inquisitive observer asks the boy : Do you think you can really make a difference to the situation ? How many starfishes do you think you can save this way, even if you run your whole life ?

Obviously, the number of starfishes being thrown out by the ocean tides every minute far far outnumber what one person can save by manually throwing back to the ocean and who knows, how many are actually surviving the tides even after being thrown back to water once ?

The boy replies as he throws one starfish into the ocean : It made a difference to this one !! ( pointing his finger to the one which was just thrown into the ocean and was swimming into the deeper ocean !)

I am sure, the message is loud and clear.

Leadership is all about making a difference to someone else, to some situation in the environment, which, you think, should not remain the same.

It does not matter whether the difference you make is small or big. If you are truly concerned about a situation, make a difference by your personal action – without worrying about the fact that you can not make a total difference to the situation. Does not matter if the boy could not save all the starfishes affected. It is important to note that by his positive action, he could save at least a few starfishes out of thousands about to die, and that it did make all the difference to those few, who were saved by the boy .

Many of us get cowed down by the sheer enormity of a problem and do not even take the first step towards the solution,thinking that solving the entire problem is not within our personal control. We fail to appreciate that even a small difference in the desired direction eventually leaves the situation better than what it was and it is small differences by one or many, which eventually add up to a big difference !

So title or no title, you are a leader if you make a difference to the people around you – to your surroundings. That boy in the story did not have any title !

Story 2

A temple was being built and it was the dream of the builder to make it not only just a place of worship, but a sculptural masterpiece. A visitor to site under construction once came across three sculptors, carving out similar statues to be installed inside the temple for beautification.

He asked the first sculptor, who was apparently struggling with his work : “why are you making this statue ?” The reply came : I earn my livelihood by making statues. No wonder – he was not enjoying his work and the quality of his work was not upto the mark .

The 2^nd sculptor was apparently happy with his statue, and said : I like making statues, this also gives me my livelihood. Here is a person, who derives pleasure out of his work and also understands its importance for him. No wonder, the statue created by him was very beautiful .

The 3^rd sculptor, who was engrossed in perfecting a statue that he had already completed, replied : Oh , I am building the temple ! No wonder, he was passionate about his work and his creation was splendid and the best of all .

Just reflect ! For the first person, carving the statue was just a means of earning the livelihood. It does not matter to him, whether he enjoys his work or not. He was just a cog in the wheel. Obviously, a product of such disinterested work can at best be just ordinary. For the 2^nd sculptor, it was a lot more than just being the means of livelihood ; it was also his source of pleasure . So, his creation was beautiful.

But for the 3^rd sculptor, it was something entirely different – he took his work as a part of the bigger picture – the temple. For him, everything he does needs to be perfect, so that the temple they are building also comes up perfect – as visualised. This is what true leadership is – when you can see the bigger picture much above your specified role and work towards being a part of it .

S.o.o ? True leaders feel themselves as part of the whole picture, and unleash their best potential . Anyone, who contributes to the whole – with the whole in view – is a leader , title or no title .

[ Sorry … can not remember the source for giving credit. I have a bad memory for the exact manner in which stories are told or who the storyteller was. But whenever I read such stuff, what gets imprinted in my subconscious is just the essence . Anyway, I am thankful to the original storyteller for this which brings out lucidly how each of us in the society, each employee of an organisation can be a leader in one’s own right - title or no title .]

Story 3

This is from one of the articles by Sharu Ragnekar, one of the renowned Management consultants.

Once he visited Amritsar, a few months after the Operation Blue Star .There was still tension in the air. After showing the important places of interest, his hosts took him to the Wagha Border. There are Indian soldiers and Pakistan soldiers on the two sides of the border. At sunset, both sides lower the flags and there is a drill. This is very interesting to see as the drills are identical on both sides of the border and looks like a mirror image.

When he visited the border, he saw on our side of the border a teacher with 20 students. She was telling them, “ When the flag moves in the evening, all of you sing Sare Jahan se achchha Hindostan hamara.. ” Curious, Ragnekar asked her what she was doing . She replied, “ It is my practice to bring a batch of my students here on the first day of every month so that they can see the moving flag and sing. I do it every month – although this month, this was very difficult for me.”

“ Why was it difficult this month ? ”

“ Because it is the Pay and Stay month. This is the time when teachers get transferred . If you pay, you stay; if you do not pay, you are transferred . I want to stay , so I had to pay . So my budget was very tight this month. When I bring a batch of students here, in case of 3 to 4 students, the parents say they can not afford to pay for the trip. Each such child costs Rs 10 to be brought here and taken back by bus. So there is an expenditure of about Rs 50 every month and this month, it was very difficult to spare this amount as I had to pay for not being transferred.”

“ When this is what is happening to you, why do you want the children to sing Sare Jahan se Achchha Hindostan hamara?”

She asked spiritedly, “ Who is going to improve India? I have not been able to improve India; you have not been able to improve India. I have no influence over the Prime Minister or the Chief Minister, but I have some influence on these children and I am going to use it . These children believe in me – so I bring them here, let them look at the flag and let them sing Sare jahan se achchha Hindostan hamara. When they grow up, at least some of them will be proud of India and try to improve India.”

Sharu Ragnekar observes that this teacher has the basics of management:

- She decided that her responsibility is to improve India.

- She identified that her main resource is herself, i.e. her influence over the students

- She experimented with her resource to achieve her goal .

I would like to add, this teacher is a leader, as

- from the problems in her own circumstances, she has taken a decision that things must change for better

- she is committing herself through personal action to bring about that change – in whatever way possible for her.

- she is able to see a goal, much bigger than anyone in her position would see,

- she is navigating through constraints – but towards the goal .

She is making a difference .

Mahatma Gandhi ( one of the best examples of leaders without a title ) once said , “ We must become the change we seek in this world .” Very true . Titles may support your efforts – but not necessary for leading in a true sense .

This much for now. The infinite perspectives of leadership will never cease to amaze me. I will keep coming back to this topic .

2008-08-18T17:26:00.003+05:30

18/08/2008

The D day has arrived. Today is the last day of my notice period to quit service in my present organisation. I retire voluntarily with effect from close of business today. I cease to be a serving employee of my organisation from 5 pm today onwards – after an innings of 25 years 8 months and 17 days !! Strange – It is NOT feeling anything severely bad. Well, may be because, today is the last day only technically – actually, I had moved out on 26^th July,08 after coming back from office, as thereafter I have been on leave. I have already been through all the natural emotions of separation during my first few days of staying away from office. The process of thinking through the decision to quit is also over and I believe, what I am going to do will be beneficial for me in a broader context.

Had I retired in usual course ( after more than 11 years from now), I would have received a grand farewel from colleagues & superiors, spiced with talks about me in all goody goody words. Of course, quite a bit of it would have been honest ( Ha, ha !! – just like to believe that ). Well, I will miss that – but cann’t help – there is miles to go … after my heart’s beckoning .. I have no time to stand still and mourn what I am leaving behind ! It will always be cherished though .

Funnily, there is a strike today in the entire Group of my organisation – against a host of issues. A colleague sent me an sms – Ma’am, the whole Group is going on strike on 18^th August, 08 to protest against your VR. Obviously, that is not the fact . But, that was too sweet an sms !! Actually, I am totally touched by the way people ( who know me – and the number is very large, thanks to my assignments !) have been expressing their feelings about my decision to quit.

I would like to thank all for the affection and the whole lot that I have learnt from all of you. I would quote the following, which again was smsed by one of my colleagues:

“A life ends when an egg is broken by external pressure, but the same egg when breaks due to internal pressure gives birth to a new life ”

So .. here I go in pursuit of that new life …. which has already taken birth ( my blog !) .. but I have to put in my heart and soul to nurture it and see it growing ! Your feedback would be most valued. I thank my children for having initiated me into the wonderworld of blogging !

Bye friends and wish you all the very best in life. I will miss you all .

MY SCRAP BOOK - RELATIONSHIP

2008-08-18T00:09:00.001+05:30

Understanding relationship is a massive task and it is a really daring attempt on anyone’s part to explain this complex phenomenon. But yes, with half a lifetime already over and more than two & half decades of experiential learning in the professional world of service industry, constantly relating to customers, public, peers, superiors and subordinates, I have developed certain insights, that I would like to share . Pl Check out .. if you also feel the same way !

As I understand, the essence of any relationship is captured by three Ts :

Trust,

Talk

Touch.

All three 3 ingredients in abundant measure go into the recipe of any vibrant relationship !!

And just like a Tripod, any healthy relationship rests on these three Ts . Dare loosen any one T ( one leg !) and see what you have done to the balance !!

Quite interesting. I was trying to take examples from all – literally all spheres of life - to see if this pattern fits . Lo.o. – it does !!

How ? Please reflect .

Trust – I am sure, it does not really need any elaboration. It is that mindset which believes that every human being is innately good and that every human being has unlimited potential. No trust and all relations, personal or professional or social, would crumble even before these get to stand on their own .

The basic foundation of any relationship has to be Trust. No relationship – not even the most basic and irreversible relation , i.e. biological parent & child – can thrive if the element of “trust ” is missing between them. Think about any relationship – between the spouses, between parent & child, between brothers & sisters, between friends, between a customer and a company, between an employee and the employer, between a teacher and a student etc.etc. In each case , either party must trust the other for a healthy relationship .

Frankly, I don’t know how to define what trust is. One can only know it intuitively – whether it is there ; whether it isn’t there .

Do you “see” horns on both sides of someone’s head as u talk to each other ? If yes, there is lack of trust in your relationship. Ha, ha, that was in a lighter vein – but it does captures a large bit of what happens when trust is not there – you start suspecting the other – you stop relying on the other’s words – you stop opening yourself before the other.

Trust is much more than absence of distrust. But yes ! absence of distrust could be the starting point for trust in many relations.

At a personal level, trust comes out of a strong belief in the innate goodness of human beings, so that you place yourself in the vulnerable position of relying on others and letting them know your feelings, emotions and other sensitive details having full confidence in them that they would respect you and not take unfair advantage of you. Trust also means that you have faith in other’s unlimited capabilities .It captures a mindset that believes

- others are also essentially good and will treat you in a fair, open, and honest way

- that intrinsically,every human being is trustworthy and need to be trusted until the other proves to be unworthy of your trust.

- That if you are able to let others into your life with trust, you also will be trusted .

Naturally, relationships based on trust on both sides would have more of mutual understanding, respect, care and concern and would foster growth of both individuals.

Think as a parent . If you trust your child, you would automatically know when to stop protecting and start supporting ; stop instructing and start guiding and let your child be instead of being imposing !!

In an organisational context also, trust is a key dimension in fostering business relations . Customers must have trust in the supplier’s competence and honesty in the sense that the organisation will deliver goods and services as promised/advertised, will not disclose private customer information. Similarly, sellers must trust that the buyer is able to pay for goods or services and is authorised to make purchases on behalf of an organisation as per the laws of the land and bye-laws of the buying company.

Crux of the matter - Trust others and be Trustworthy yourself.

A win win situation!!. It is said, life is an echo – whatever you give, comes back to you eventually .

Talk - You need to constantly talk to – communicate with the others in any relationship. One of the surest death traps for any relationship could be lack of communication. When I say talk , it means talk – not tell . In tell , you only do the talkings – unilaterally. In talk , both sides tell and both sides listen . Further, when I say talk – I also mean you need to express your feelings – not only to make your needs and expectations clear, but also to give/get feedback, or just to reiterate your trust, love and respect. As is often said .. even your near and dear ones need to be told once in a while that you care for them.

Knowingly or unknowingly, we usually create many barriers to communication in every walk of life - which is very natural and it happens to all of us as we grow older and older – preoccupied with our own work, own thoughts and beliefs, likes and dislikes. But unless we are quick to sense these barriers and do something about these, these will only grow bigger and bigger, creating a gulf which may prove to be extremely difficult to cover at a later stage. It really takes a strong will and constant conscious efforts to break these barriers as soon as they start showing up , as very often, our ego gets better of us in such situations. This is true for relationships at all levels – personal, professional and social . Stop talking and see what mess you have made of everything in your life !!

Touch - With trust and talk , you are sure to have saved your relationships. But what about that spark – that something extra in any relation ? That which continuously renews , reinvents a relationship !! Yes, some relationships do require “touch” in a physical sense ( jadu ki jhappi !! just like a baby needs to be cuddled, a child needs to be hugged ! ) – but all relationships require “touch” at an emotional level – when you strike a cord in some corner of the other’s heart. At a personal level, do things in small ways to reaffirm that you love, you care , you are there for them !! At an organisational level, it means walking that extra mile in the interest of the customers, the organisation, the fraternity.

While I talk of these 3 Ts which form the basic tenets of any relationship, I am also tempted to say a few more things about understanding relationship .

Lao-Tzu once said “ He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened."

Yes , it is the ultimate to know one’s own self. Apparently, all of us, most of the time remain in the illusion that we know ourselves pretty well – but usually that is not true.

Catch yourself unexpectedly - especially when you are going through something externally adverse for you – Sit quietly for a few minutes – Visualise that you have stepped aside ( out of your self ) & watch your thoughts/emotions. You would know what exactly I am trying to convey!! On many such moments, what I have encountered is a new “me”, who is not at peace with the “me” I usually know. But, yes – this is actually the defining moment – when I start seeing things clearly, start knowing my deeper self in a better fashion, start understanding the ‘why’s and what actually I would like it to be in alignment with my inner self and values . And then it really becomes so easy to shrug off any dirt that I might have rubbed on .. unintentionally, unknowingly. It is at this level of consciousness that one really appreciates that our external relationships and our internal relationships are in fact the same relationships. It starts making sense to believe that the relationships we have with other people are projections of the relationships we have within ourselves.

Remember the story of the stranger and the three villagers ?

Once a stranger was trying to reach a village, which he did not know earlier . On the way, he met a person and asked “ Do you know the way to xxx village ? ” “ Yes – go this way .” The stranger again asked , “ How are the people of this village ? ” “ Oh, they are really dangerous . You are a stranger - Be careful of your belongings , lest someone steals them.” The stranger got a little apprehensive and looked into the eyes of the person “ Is it so ??” He felt a certain discomfort when he looked into his eyes. The man passed by. He was actually a thief. All his relationships are governed by distrust , because he himself is not trustworthy. After covering some distance, he came across another person and asked the same questions . He showed him the way and said “The villagers are good, but lazy people .” The stranger felt a little reassured. This villager was a lazy, happy-go type person. The stranger covered some more distance and came across another man, with beard and matted hair, with an aura of composure about him. When asked about the villagers, he said “ Oh, they are extremely nice people, very hospitable and loving. You will have no problem whatsoever staying in that village and doing whatever you have come for .” And he passed by. He was actually a sadhu, a monk – living on the alms given by the villagers .

Got the point ?

Whatever you are inside , you would find that in abundance in others !!

Have you not experienced similar situations , where two people look at the same thing and attribute different qualities, different interpretation to that ? That happens – because the lense they use for looking at things/people are different based on their own perceptions and beliefs – which are the outcome of the realtionships they have within, which, in turn, govern their external relationships.

Recall how you reacted immediately on hurting yourself against a stone lying mid-way on your path? Anger ( Who the hell has thrown this stone mid-way like a fool ?) -externally directed towards another ( unknown) person, who, you perceive as the culprit. Actually, the fact is that you are angry with yourself ( how could I walk on the road like a blind man and hurt myself ?) Cool down a bit – and you would know that actually it was your own self that you were angry with and that you will only hurt yourself further if you clutch on to anger. Rather , what you should be doing is to get the stone out of the road – by yourself if possible or with others’ help if available – or do something so that the next passer-by does not hurt himself like you . If you can actually do any of the above positive actions, you will start feeling nice , as your behaviour in the incident would be in alignment with your good self – and this will positively nourish your relationship with self .

So.. understanding self …, in effect, would mean understanding our relationships with self and with others .

At a worldly level, every desired outcome requires some relationship – either with self or with others – to be nurtured in a desired manner. For a human being, everything ultimately matters in the context of relationship. If you are happy doing certain things, necessarily these are the things which are also nurturing or nourishing your relationship with self or others in your personal, professional or social life.

I feel happy when I sing. But would I be happy singing , if, say, a dear one has just passed away and lying dead nearby ?

I like booking business for my organisation – but would I be happy if , in the process, I actually harm customer interests or for that matter find that in the long run, these do not turn out to be quality business ?

Obviously No . It is when everything we do, everything that we seek to achieve manifests itself in terms of better relationships, that the desired outcomes flow and we become truly happy.

S.o….., next time we take a relationship for granted …. let us pause a bit and reflect !!